Body Language - How To Spot A Liar Part 1
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Body Language Secrets:
How To Spot A Liar Part 1
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I enjoyed the video. Many things that you mentioned are reminders…how far does one want to take it if they do find that someone is lying to them. Relationships and friendships are built on trust but there are times that perhaps your family member could be married to the liar and it could really hurt your relationship with them too. Thanks David for sharing!
Transcript
[0:00]
David: There are two sets of communications going on. At the most fundamental, … at the gross level.
You have two sets of communications that’s going on.
You have CONSCIOUS, and UNCONSCIOUS.
Or VERBAL, and NON-VERBAL.
The first principle to learn, and I’m just going to try to close this loop and get to the program thing in just a minute but just to get this out and get it closed.
Remember this at the end of the day,
“THE UNCONSCIOUS MIND ALWAYS ASWERS FIRST, ….. AND IT ALWAYS ANSWERS HONESTLY.”
[0:31]
OK? That is the bread and butter of everything you’re going to learn tonight… if you have any doubt about anything I teach tonight.
And what I’m going to do is I’m going to give you very very broad global strokes first .
Why?
Because if you can’t get those, you’re not going to get the subtleties.
By the time we hit “break time” … and the information is going to be dribbling out of your ears.
{joking}
And you may be bleeding from the eyes.
[1:00]
Alright? In the field of human communication, especially non-verbal communication.
Kinesics, as we call it.
===================================================
Transcriptionist note;
Kinesics, is the study of body movements, hand and body gestures, facial expressions, and body positions, etc., and interpreting them, as a means of communication.
Remember that many of these are based on the cultures location. What is true in one country is probably different in another country.
David of course is speaking primarily about American kinesics. Decide for yourself if these are correct for your location.
===================================================
Or as I was trained in “kinesic interview and interrogation.”
It is a vast vast field. And it doesn’t belong to just one domain.
Neuro linguistics has a stake in it.
Body language has a stake in it.
Cognitive therapy and behavioural therapy has a stake in it.
They all bring something to the table.
[1:30]
That helps us to understand what’s going on inside of us.
And what’s going on inside of us is a series of interlinking programs communicating or in some cases, not communicating.
So getting back to your question about worry, or anxiety. Everything, including sadness, worry, fear, rage, jealousy, … has a structure.
[2:00]
That structure is the equivalent to a computer code, or program.
Anytime you find somebody who’s anxious about something, the same commonalities tend to appear.
A.) The pictures are too big, they’re too close and they are right around here. (the upper chest, near the heart or core of the person.)
OK? So what we have now is a spatial representation. A dimensional representation. And a umm… what’s the word that I’m looking for?
[2:33]
It’s big and it’s in front of you and it’s too close.
And one of the things we need to understand in terms of anxiety, And actually anxiety and stress, to be more specific, does factor a lot into what we will be teaching tonight.
Because what we will be looking for are NOT cues that signal lieing.
Because there isn’t any.
There is no one, single, body language cue… unless you got somebody hooked up to an MRI. (Magnetic Resonance Imaging machine )
[3:02]
Or C.T. (Computer Aided Tomography, also called a CAT scan)
That tells you when somebody is lieing. The best that you can do is your best guess. Based on a certain set of protocols that you follow.
OK?
So the first thing I’m going to talk on, getting back to your question, …
The structure that the human nervous system runs on has basically five (5) categories of code.
Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, Olfactory, and Gustatory.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Writes on White Board
(Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, Olfactory, and Gustatory.)
V A K O G
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Every single thing that you experience is built from those fundamental categories of data. Or attributes.
Now we look at this as a linear sequence. Now this is just one way of describing this. You could just as easily go G A O K V
[4:00]
We tend to go with the big three first, right?
But some people actually have smell and taste as a dominant modality.
When we ask them how they do something, they actually reference the part of their brain that processes tastes.
And that’s exactly what I want you to understand when we look at VAKOG
Is that these are literally cortexes of the brain.
That are activating in the order and sequence that they are being activated.
Think of it as …. How many people here know what a spark plug is?
{even the women are giggling}
When all the cylinders in the car, … whether it is a two cylinder or a one cylinder, … well a one cylinder car is kind of redundant.
{laughter}
But a two cylinder, a four cylinder, a six cylinder, or a twelve cylinder, it makes no difference. When all the cylinders fire at the right time, everything runs smooth, right?
[5:00]
Well when these (the VAKOG) fire, …the sequence that these fire in, create behaviour. They create the things we actually do in terms of physical actions in the world.
They also govern the way we make decisions.
So when you think about VAKOG, the connection of these links, … let me use a different color for this.
(notice the connections between the letters linking the letters.)
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Writes on White Board
(Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, Olfactory, and Gustatory.)
(sight, sound, touch, smell, taste)
V ==> A ==> K ==> O ==> G
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Student: What is G again?
David: Sorry What?
Student: What is G again?
David: Gustatory (taste)
So think of it this way. Links in a chain.
Or if you were in my Conversational Hypnosis Class, right? We talked about X causes Y.
Where X is a cause, and Y is an effect.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Writes on White Board
X ==> Y X causes Y
Where X is a cause, and Y is an effect.
(Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, Olfactory, and Gustatory.)
(sight, sound, touch, smell, taste)
V ==> A ==> K ==> O ==> G
Strategies.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
[6:00]
Now then, there is a slight pattern connection here where
V leads to A leads to K leads to O leads to G.
That’s the sequence. If that were say, my ….
NLP likes to call these “strategies.” It’s a confusing word but basically it’s the recipe we use to do something.
What Richard Bandler and John Grinder discovered, many many moons ago.
[6:30]
Was that even though you and I might be “doing” the same thing as a task. We may have a very very different strategy … to do it.
Some strategies work better than others.
Right? Some people might, … and one of the ones that I use the most often, …. Well there’s two that I use most often.
One is called the “Convincer” strategy.
These are NOT going to factor in too much tonight.
[7:00]
But if you’re going to do alchemical work, which is where this lie detection we have started understanding alchemical work, making transformations and changes in us.
Convincer strategies and… what’s the other one? It will come to me in a minute.
Remind me that I didn’t close this loop.
Convincer strategy and something else. We’ll come back to that.
But think about it this way. It’s which parts of our brains we use and in what order.
[7:31]
OH, “Convincer Strategy” and “Decision Strategy.”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Writes on White Board
X ==> Y X causes Y
Where X is a cause, and Y is an effect.
(Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, Olfactory, and Gustatory.)
(sight, sound, touch, smell, taste)
V ==> A ==> K ==> O ==> G
Strategies.
Convincer
Decision
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
See, I knew it would come back to me.
Now these two tend to work, hand in glove.
A decision strategy may be just VAK. Now remember this is just an example and it may not apply to you, … and it might.
OK? Some people who want to come to the seminar. They may see themselves at the seminar, or maybe they read something about the seminar.
They may talk to themselves in a certain way.
[8:02]
Maybe some internal dialog. Or maybe they’ll talk to somebody else who has been to the seminar before, and then they’ll get a feeling about if it’s right for them or not. And then they’ll act on it.
So the words that I use.
“I saw something.”
“I read something.”
“I talked to somebody.”
Right?
“I got a feeling about whether it was right for me.”
“And then I DID something.”
OK? What you have there is actually two kinesthetics.
What you have there is an internal feeling, and an external kinesthetic, which is an action.
ALL decision strategies end in kinesthetics.
That is the one universal.
Nobody takes an action, until they felt something.
None of you are here because of a voice in your head.
None of you are here because of a picture that you can’t get rid or, or is bugging you.
[9:00]
Many times you are here because there is a feeling that’s bugging you, that either you want more of, or you want less of.
Would that be true or not true?
Right/ You’re here to learn about lie detection because somebody did something or said something, or told you something that made you feel, not good.
Would that be true? “Don’t lie to me dammit!”
{laughter}
Or you may be curious about how people actually work. And that’s kind of where my evolution started.
{show of hands}
How many people are here, that it is your first time dealing with the nightmare of me.
{some hands raised and some folks laugh}
OK. A couple of rules.
This means “yes.” {nods head up and down}
This means “no.” {shakes head back and forth}
There will be a test! Especially in this meetup.
This means “I know the answer.” {holds hand way up high}
This means “I don’t.” {holds hand down by his side.}
This means “Oh shit I hope it doesn’t ask me that.” {Holds hand down low.}
{chuckles}
[10:00]
I occasionally bring people up to do demonstrations, or healings or transformational work.
If I call you up. Or if you volunteer to come up, … it is assumed that you are giving me permission … to plaster your lovely face all over Youtube, … and inspire millions of other people all over the world, …. as they watch you change and transform.
That’s your payment for getting free change work.
{teasing the class and getting smiles and chuckles}
In this case I think you’re going to find, and again we want to have fun with this tonight.
Lie detection can get very heavy, very very quick.
Right? So we got to keep it light.
[10:31]
So stop taking yourself way so damn seriously. {Joking and not joking}
OK?
But there’s another aspect I want to cover real quick on this VAKOG.
Because it goes directly to your question about anxiety, or any other feelings in your body or experiences that just keep driving you nuts.
And that is what we call the “attribute level.”
Lets’ take Visual, as a good example.
[11:00]
Let me…. I’m in a colorful mood today. I don’t know why.
What are some attributes of something that is “visual.”
Student: Color.
David: Color. The opposite of color would be what?
Student: Neutral or
David: Black and white maybe.
[11:21]
Student: No color
David: No color, OK. How about motion? Is that one? Could something be moving?
[11:30]
Student: Shape
David: I’m sorry, what?
Student: Shapes.
David: Shapes yes very much.
Student: Intensity.
David: When you say intensity define that for me.
Student: the amount of signal that is coming through.
David: OK. So it could be very intense or it could be very faded. Almost like contrast maybe?
Student: Mass
David: Sorry what?
[12:00]
Student: Mass
David: Mass would be more weight. So that’s more kinesthetic.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Writes on White Board
X ==> Y X causes Y
Where X is a cause, and Y is an effect.
(Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, Olfactory, and Gustatory.)
(sight, sound, touch, smell, taste)
V ==> A ==> K ==> O ==> G
Color
Black and white
Motion (moving or still)
Size
Shape
Contrast (intensity)
Clear (or Fuzzy)
STRATEGIES.
Convincer
Decision
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
David: But we’re getting some idea right? Can we make some distinctions? Things like yes, no, right?
Could it be clear? Or fuzzy?
Moving or still?
Ok. So just for grins and giggles, think of something in your life that made you feel amazingly good.
Now here’s the secret to what I do.
If you can point to it… you can control it.
[12:31]
That’s the secret that all the “self help folks” know, and don’t want you to know.
If you can point to it, you can change it.
OK. So the first thing I want you to do is think about something that makes you feeling really good.
REALLY GOOD. Like REALLY GOOD.
You might have that 70s disco music going in the back ground going Bow whappa bow wow.
{giggles from class}
Don’t take yourself so friggin seriously, you never get out alive. But my point is…
[13:00]
I don’t need to know what it is. So make it as juicy as you want to make it. Because if you can’t feel good for no fricking reason, … boy we got a lot of work to do.
And most of us go through life being way too fricking serious, and taking life way too serious.
OK? Seriously, we got to stop.
{laughter}
So first thing is…. a couple more administrative things before I finish this exercise up.
If politically incorrect language,… colorful metaphors, …or swear words, … offend you, … Get the fuck out.
{chuckles}
[13:31]
OK? I’m a no BS kind of guy. This stuff … This is the world according to David.
If it works for you. If it jells for you. If it resonates with you, and you feel that it is something that you can use.
Yes! That’s my job. To give you something powerful. Something you can start using today.
If it doesn’t… chuck it. (throw it away) Alright?
Point to where you feel that good feeling.
Good. Close your eyes and look at it with your inner eyes.
I want you to notice that there is a color associated with that feeling.
What is the color/ First impressions.
You don’t have to tell me. Just know what it is.
[14:03]
Now imagine if you would that there is a picture floating in the space around you. .. That is connected with that feeling.
Take your other hand and reach out and touch it. Now take the other hand and trace the edges of it so you know exactly how big it is.
Now remember this is the part where you have to get the body involved. This is one of the hallmarks of our change work.
And all I want you to do now is grab the edges of it …. Make it bigger.
[14:30]
Notice what happens to the feeling? You all have your eyes closed, so nobody is going to see me as I point at you, so open them.
{laughter}
{points at a student}
What happened to the feeling?
Student: Well actually it got more stable.
David: It got more stable. Now here’s what I want you to do. Look at the picture.
Color or black and white?
Student: it became less enchanting.
David: less enchanting? That wasn’t my question. The question was… is it color or black and white?
Student: Well in color initially.
[15:00]
David: did it turn color when you did that?
Student: yeah
David: Don’t do that. That wasn’t what I asked. You have to pay attention. OK.
How many people here noticed that their good feelings are in color?
{show of hands}
If they’re not…. Make them in color.
Now I want you to notice, are the images fuzzy or distinct?
If they’re fuzzy, make them distinct. Notice what happens to the feelings.
Another quick question. Is the picture moving or is it still? If it is still, make it a movie. Notice what happens to the feelings.
[15:32]
Congratulations. You’ve just discovered the code that your nervous systems uses to define and replay your experiences.
It is not the words.
It is not the story, of what’s going on.
It is the structure. That is the code. That is the program that is running in your mind and in your nervous system.
Now, just for grins and giggles,
[16:00]
Make it as big as you can stand it….
Put it up over your head….
Pull it down around you like a big blanket …
Notice what happens to that feeling.
Wha whoooo … what happened?
I know what happened to you. You’re like {shaking all over}.
{to a different student} What happened sir?
Student: I felt it pressed in. It was like breathing. It was like moving into my body.
David: Perfect. Now unwrap it and lift it up again. Now just to vindicate this… You can have it back in just a minute. Now throw it all the way behind you, back over the horizon. Make sure none of it is touching your body. As far back as you can.
Ester, what happened to that feeling?
Student: It went away.
David: It went away?
{to a different student} What happened?
Student: It went away.
David: It just went away Right?
Reach up and bring it back ….
Make it as big as you can stand it ….
And put it where it will do the most good.
Congratulations. You just learned how to program your own computer.
{You just learned how to program you}
[17:01]
OK?
The interesting thing is NLP calls these “attributes” or “elements.”
{the parts of Visualization… Size, shape, color, etc. etc.}
And they call these “modalities.” {V.A.K.O.G.}
You have five “modalities.” They are the building blocks of thought.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Writes on White Board
X ==> Y X causes Y
Where X is a cause, and Y is an effect.
(Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, Olfactory, and Gustatory.)
(sight, sound, touch, smell, taste)
5 Modalities
V ==> A ==> K ==> O ==> G
(Attributes or Elements of Visual)
Color
Black and white
Motion (moving or still)
Size
Shape
Contrast (intensity)
Clear (or Fuzzy)
STRATEGIES.
Convincer
Decision
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
David: These “Attributes,” these “Elements,” that are within the category of each modality, or sub to the modality are obviously called, “sub modalities.”
[17:33]
Here is the irony of sub modalities. They dominate and control your experience.
So the order and sequence of the modalities generates the behaviours.
The proportions and combinations of the different elements,… of these sub modalities, …. as they interact with one another, … create your experience.
[18:00]
They are all elements, or an alphabet, to a code, that your nervous system utilizes. This is a fundamental building block.
But you have to understand something. This is where if you guys want to make things a little bit simpler while at the same time showing you guys how comprehensive this whole thing is.
This is a three dimensional model. It is holographic and fractal.
What does that mean?
When I asked you to point to where you felt it… Right?
I had you reach out and touch a picture. Were you reaching inside of your body?
Say No.
{chuckles}
[18:31]
Cause none of you were going…{searching your body for the picture}
“It’s not in there goddammit.”
You reached out here, didn’t you? {reached in front of them}
Your nervous system relates everything from the periphery to the core of your body.
So it has a spatial component. A “proprioceptive” component. We call it the grid.
OK? A three dimensional X Y Z grid. (as in geometry) That determines where in space, certain types of information are projected and is stored.
[19:00]
When people talk,… and this is where we get again into the lie detection …
When people talk,… how many people do this?
{keeps their hands down at their sides flat against their legs and no body language and speak in a monotone }
“Mary had a little lamb and its fleece was white as snow.”
You don’t do that unless you’re terrified. Right?
That’s your first clue. That’s actually your first body language signal.
The moment you see someone talking to you and all of a sudden their hands and everything stops.
That’s lie number one. It’s called “FREEZE.”
But on a communications level
[19:30]
As we talk, as we make emphasis, our hands go to certain spatial locations. We don’t think anything of it, consciously or unconsciously.
But what we’re literally doing is putting our hands in the spatial location that corresponds to the regions of our brain, where that information is stored.
And as we talk, and as we move our hands, we’re literally tracing the flow of thought and the program… the circuit (path) it takes … in our nervous system. All at the same time.
[20:00]
OK? Now when it comes to influencing people, matching and feeding back their very own gestures, is powerful, powerful, stuff.
OK, if you want to get deep instant rapport with people? When it is your turn to talk in any interaction, use their own gestures to emphasize what you’re saying.
It’ll feel weird because it is not yours.
You’ll think, “I’m still going to get caught.” You wont.
Because we’re just unconscious of it.
[20:30]
OK? So! There is a lot going on. At the end of the day, we have to be able to pay attention to things that most people just let slide. They have no idea that it is even relevant.
Especially when we’re going to talk about lie detection. OK?
For those of you who don’t know. I am in fact a certified trainer in Neurolinguistic Programming, under the founder Doctor Richard Bandler.
I am a certified hypnosis trainer, and hypnosis teacher.
[21:00]
I have a hypnotherapy practice as well and an NLP and energy healing practice in Solana Beach (California).
And what I do all day long … is I find people who are lieing to themselves, in some way, … and trying to bullshit themselves in to thinking otherwise.
OK? Nobody winds up in my chair because they are being completely honest with themselves.
OK? The field of “lie detection” is really the field of pattern recognition.
[21:30]
It’s the art of paying attention. OK? And that’s what you’re going to have to do.
We’re going to start with… it’s going to seem that at first that I’m not really teaching you a whole lot.
When in reality I’m teaching you the “get out of jail free” card. (from the American game of “Monopoly”)
When you don’t know… what something may or may not mean. If you fall back to the very first few principles that I’m going to be talking about.
You’ll be able to figure out what it most likely means.
OK?
[22:00]
The first thing I want to talk about again is we want to talk about baseline and paying attention.
REMEMBER … THE UNCONSCIOUS MIND ALWAYS ANSWERS FIRST … AND IT ALWAYS ANSWERS HONESTLY.
There is usually a half a second delay to sometimes a full one or two seconds between the non-verbal behaviour, the unconscious answer … and a verbal one.
One of the big things we want to begin to look for is discrepancies between the consistency of the verbal and non-verbal.
[22:32]
We’ll cover those more and more in concrete details. I’m going to give you about seven to ten (7 - 10) red flags, These are things that if you see them, … then start digging.
But there are other things that are even more subtle that we can begin to work. Depending on what direction you want to go. How deep down this rabbit hole you want to dig.
We can go there. I’ll take you as far as I can, in the time that I have … And I’ll show where you can go for more if you want that. OK?
Which will probably take the form of my monthly master mind mentoring program.
[23:02]
Because the two day body language training that I normally teach, we don’t it on the schedule for this year so you’re out of luck.
Tease tease. You’re like WHAT? WHAT? {chuckles}
{David erases the white board so that he can write more things on it.}
So… Remember one of the things I said at the beginning of todays workshop is that what we are really doing is not really about lie detection but about pattern recognition.
[23:30]
When we start talking about pattern recognition, which are all things and is the one of things that I do.
Acupuncture and Oriental medicine. Five thousand years of pattern recognition on steroids.
NLP. All about pattern recognition on steroids.
Lie detection and kinesthics. All about pattern recognition.
OK. When I was very young. I was one of those poor unfortunate souls who was born with an extremely sensitive nervous system, bad hygiene and poor social skills.
[24:00]
Therefore I was often many times, I was the brunt of very un-nice, unfavorable, bully style attention.
I got lied to because I was desperate to accepted and desperate to be liked, and I spent a lot time being other peoples scape goats.
So I became somewhat post-traumatic-ish. I developed what was a mild case of what we commonly call “hyper acuity syndrome.” Mostly as a way of protecting myself.
Little did I know that twenty, thirty years later that that traumatic childhood would actually bare tremendous fruit in my ability to spot very subtle body language cues.
[24:37]
I’m going to ask you to begin to look for the big stuff first and understand that sometimes …. this is going out to the people on Youtube who may be going through or have gone through similar things.
And I’ll go through similar things, but I have a student who is fifteen years old, in Finland and Norway, and stuff like that.
And one of the things that I really want to emphasize is that many of the times is that our more powerful, our most beautiful gifts came from a place where we thought we were just, cursed by god.
[25:06]
Ok. One of the reasons that I can stand up here in front of you is because of those childhood experiences.
OK? I had to do a lot of growth. I had to do a lot of soul searching, but the tools and the techniques and the tactics that came from that, I’m going to share with you tonight. Because you can start using these right away. Right away!
But you don’t have to come from a harsh background to benefit from them.
[25:31]
So the first thing we need to do is to pay attention.
{David writes this on the white board.
NLP would say, “Pay attention to what specifically?” Well that’s a good question.
The first thing we’re going to look at whenever we walk up to any human being is “Orientation” and “Posture.”
{What is written on the white board}
================================================
PAY ATTENTION
ORIENTATION
POSTURE
————-RAPPORT————————
| |
| |
—————————————————-
BASELINE READINGS
=================================================
OK? So let’s talk about this.
[26:00]
The entire spectrum or continuum of human rapport
The dictionary of it, the language of it, the way we calibrate it.
Get used to that word. Two things you’ve got to learn about.
You’ve got to pay attention. You’ve got sensory acuity. And you’ve got to calibrate. You’ve got to know what the stuff you’re seeing, hearing, or otherwise receiving, means.
To do that, you need to calibrate a baseline. We’ll come back to baseline in a minute.
[26:31]
Can I get an enthusiastic member of the audience to come up and share the lime light with me.
Come on up. Actually you both can come up because this is actually a male female thing.
Come on up… you. {pointing to a lady in the class} come on up.
You don’t want to?
{David doing Robert De Niro,} “Who me? You talkin to me? YO.”
{LAUGHTER}
OK. Come on up. Now here is how this works.
If I was teaching a dating workshop this is even more fun. You’d see this out in public.
Stand back to back please. Good.
[27:00]
Now here’s what I want you to understand.
{to her}
Come up here just a little bit. Perfect.
{to him}
Not you. {class laughter}
I know she’s magnetic.
Male student: You ruined my game.
David: Yeah I ruined your game. Rubbing butts on camera for Youtube is probably not the best way to go about getting her positive attention.
{everybody is laughing.}
But, here’s the thing. If I was teaching an attraction or flirting workshop, this would be very relevant as well.
In terms of lie detection, it’s going to be extremely relevant, but just for different reasons.
[27:30]
Even though it’s the same stuff.
The crux of human interaction, or going from stranger, to intimacy, starts with two things. Two primary elements.
PROXIMITY and ORIENTATION. (how close you are and what direction are you facing)
Now one of the things that we are going to kind of skip over in terms of ….. Proxemics, is the study actually.
Is social intimate… we’re going to skip those ideas, because they are going to change.
[28:00]
Depending on what culture you are in. But one thing is true among all humans.
Human beings start off with zero rapport. They are turned away from each other. They have no affinity for one another.
You got this?
Or in some cases when you have a negative affinity. In other words they have hostility or antipathy for one another. They are moving away from each other. Correct?
That’s going to be a very key factor as we get deeper into this. Because one of the good things that’s going to happen is you’re going to find out that people will unconsciously move away from stress.
[28:30]
And lieing is one of the most stressful activities we can have… short of marriage by the way.
{laughter}
I’m just teasing, Mom.
Ok so what is going to happen now is these people are going to move away from complete stranger or complete enemy, to friendship or at least a peace treaty.
This is going to happen. They are going to go neutral.
{he turns both people towards the class so they are now facing the same direction}
Right?
[29:00]
As these people develop more and more rapport, two things happen.
Orientation will subtlely shift. (towards each other)
Orientation will subtlely shift.
Proximity is still a little bit. And will begin to close.
Proximity will begin to shift.
Now they are already beginning to feel a little weird.
Female student: yes.
David: In Body language, what we call the mating dance, this is where we call it full synchronization. This is where many times their heart beats are literally beating at the same time.
[29:30]
This would be one plus one equals three.
Do the math. {giggles in the class}
Thank you. Back up just a little bit.
Now the most common scenario that you’ll see in a dating or the singles bars looks like this.
{her facing neutral and him facing her}
What can you tell from this position?
Students: he’s trying to sell her. (On him)
David: He’s trying to sell her?
Student: They have different levels of interest.
[30:01]
David: Ah. Very good. Different levels. Who’s more interested?
Students: He is. The guy. Always.
{chuckles}
David: Aaahhh. So then if we reverse the dynamic,
{she turned automatically to face him}
Look what happened to her?
This, by the way, happens a lot. One of the secrets to this body language stuff that I’m teaching you is it is a feedback loop.
If one person assumes and holds a specific physiology, …. Congruently the other person will start to take on the complimentary physiology.
[30:34]
Just like you saw. This is where we go beyond just take on beyond just understanding what a body language gesture means, but actually using it to influence them. That’s a different training. OK?
But you saw how she just naturally kind of fell into place. It felt right to do that.
Right?
This is what we want to start to pay attention to. How much are they … how synergistic …how congruent … how symmetrical are they?
[31:01]
When they align. Right? This is one of things we want to look at posture and look at orientation.
You want to divide the body now. Upper and lower. Now in this case they are all very very congruent. (the same) Right?
But let’s suppose she takes her foot, or both feet and points them this way. But she keeps her upper body this way.
What just happened?
{various students are making comments}
{the male demonstration student is point out that it’s different}
Male student in class says: That something tentative is implied.
David: She’s getting ready to do the sixty yard dash for the front door.
She’s ready to gnaw her arm off to get away. Right?
Male student: Exactly.
David: Here’s the secret to understanding this on a macro level.
This will happen every where…. In every culture … in every social interaction.
If someone does not want to be there. No matter whatever reason. Maybe she’s got to pick her kid up at the daycare. Maybe she’s got another hot date downtown.
[32:02]
Maybe her mom just called and her parakeet is having a existential crisis.
We don’t know. But for some reason she wants to beat feet literally, (run away fast) and her feet will show the way.
Your feet are the most honest body part you have. It’s the one we pay the least conscious attention to.
Does that make sense?
So, let’s say for instance, our two young, whatever you want to call them. … potential good friends.
Are having an argument. … are having a discussion.
And our charming persuasive, debonair young man says something that is a little abrasive, abrupt. And all of a sudden you see this.
{She pulls back a few inches.}
Just a little bit of a shift. What just happened? What just happened. She pulled back, right?
She won’t even know she did it.
[33:00]
Most of the time. She wont realize it. It’s a stress response. But to the person who knows how to pay attention. It just sent him a world of information.
“Slow down “Sea biscuit”… Backup, what did you just say?”
===================================================
Transcriptionist note:
“Sea biscuit” was a champion race horse
====================================================
Alright? And in a couple of seconds she’ll realize why she got upset about something.
Remember our conscious mind is always playing catchup with the rest of us.
[33:27]
So the first thing we want to look at whenever we are judging if people want to be there, do the NOT want to be there.
POSTURE and body ORIENTATION.
Starting from the feet. Right?
Cause I can sit there and hold your gaze and I’ve can practice that face. I’ve got lots of practice keeping a straight face… keeping eye contact … we have the most control over the face.
But the moment we get into a situation that starts to cause us stress.
{the slight backwards shift, we back away even just a little}
[34:00]
Red flag number one.
OK?
Now its just one cue. Which means absolutely nothing.
Which brings us to lie detection one-oh-one (101) the nuts and bolts, but this … I want you to understand this paradigm of symmetry versus asymmetry…. of proximity versus orientation ….because it will be everywhere.
And you can look at any two or more people interact and you can know who the rapport leader is, you can know who’s leading the dance. You can know who wants to get away.
[34:30]
Who’s really close.
People who are intimate don’t lead with their upper body. They lead with their lower bodies.
OK?
Don’t look at people who have…. How do friends hug?
{David demonstrates two different hugs. The second one gets laughs as it is silly}
Give these two a big round of applause.
[35:00]
OK? Just from posture and body orientation. Right?
If people have a very upright posture, they are taking up a lot of space. They’re probably NOT lieing.
Or at least they are a lot more relaxed when they lie. And that’s really what we’re talking about. We’re talking about stress.
{David erases the white board again}
Stress can be positive, or it can be negative. Whether we’re talking about attraction cues, which will be the inverse, in many cases…
[35:33]
Of lie detection.
Many times you will see very, very, similar body language cues and you have to pay attention to the context.
People who are feeling a lot of attraction. Who really want to impress somebody. Who feel they are being viewed, less than positively, … will start to exhibit similar stress responses.
So you have got to be sure of what you are looking at. OK?
[36:00]
So the first thing you have to understand is two principles.
One is called “baseline.”
The other is called “clustering.”
{David writes these on the white board}
======================================================
BASELINE
CLUSTERING
=======================================================
Baseline means …. Remember I said you need three things?
I said you need to “pay attention.”
You need “sensory acuity.”
And you need to “calibrate.” What does calibrate mean? You technical types.
Student: Relative strength
David: Relative strength. OK.
[36:30]
We’re measuring what? Change. Right?
So in order to measure change, we have to have something to measure against. Don’t we?
So anytime that you are going to begin the process of detecting, or checking to see if somebody could potentially be lieing, not telling the whole truth, and we’ll talk about the different classes of lies in just a minute.
But the first thing that you have to know is what is their baseline.
[37:00]
In terms of VAKOG. {writes this on the white board too}
{Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, Olfactory, Gustatory}
{sight, sound, touch, smell, taste }
White Board
======================================================
BASELINE
CLUSTERING
V - Pupils
A - Fast talking? Slow talking? How many Non-words? Change?
K - Body Language? Posture & Orientation? Body movements?
O
G
=======================================================
We’ll just leave this off for now. {speaking about O & G}
What does their pupils look like? Are they big or are they small? I call that the “pupil dance.”
OK? We’ll talk about pupils, a lot, later on.
Auditory. How fast are they talking? How slow are they talking? How many non-words are they using?
[37:30]
Fluency, non-fluency. Um’s … er’s,… ah’s,
How do they change?
Right?
What’s their body language? What’s their posture and orientation?
What kind of extraneous body movements? We’ll cover these. (later)
Are they exhibiting or not exhibiting now? That they weren’t a moment ago.
Right?
You’ve got to know this.
[38:00]
First, you’ve got to know what their normal mode of operating is, before you can begin to calculate deviancy, or change.
If you don’t, then you are just guessing.
{Student has hand raised} Yes?
Student: (asked a question but a jet was flying by and I couldn’t hear it)
David: first thing you want to do is get rapport. And if you know this person already, review their normal mannerisms and all behaviours.
And then use that to measure against,
[38:30]
as you begin to introduce more stress into the system.
Now many times, {big ship/boat horn} as they’re going through different types of lies, it will be around a specific topic.
OK? So what we want to do, what we want to know is … we want to do everything we can, first, to bring this person to a very comfortable state.
So we can get a clear baseline.
But if all you do is take their baseline from the moment you walk up and before you approach, that’s good enough.
[39:02]
Because if you’re doing the interview stuff that I’m going to be talking about, … or even worse, … the interrogation stuff, … the stress levels are just going to start bumping up the stress levels, and you’re going to get what we call “deception deviance.”
They’re going to start doing things differently, and most specifically around certain types of topics.
OK?
Remember, nothing that they are going to exhibit, by itself, indicates lieing.
[39:30]
It’s only when the behaviour repeats on a consistent basis, in that context, or a relevant context, that they start to become potentially relevant.
The next part we have to look for is this thing called “clustering.”
{draws a circle around the word on the white board}
CLUSTERING is any two or more behavioural cues that deviate from the baseline, within a certain time period. Usually from one to five seconds.
Either before or after you ask a question or they make a statement.
[40:01]
I’m going to make it really broad one and say five seconds when it’s probably closer to one to three seconds.
Alright? But this is just “the world according to David.”
These two, if you don’t have these, you got nothing.
{Baseline & Clustering}
You got guesswork.
OK? So already there is a lot of information to track. Isn’t there?
This is why the best trained lawyers in the world have about a 60% hit rate.
OK? Yeah.
Being a good liar does not make you good at catching lies either.
[40:32]
I actually have a little essay that I’m going to read to you about how to tell the perfect lie.
It’s a real groaner. {everybody laughs}
If you’re going to try an catch them, you might as well know how to tell them.
There’s a book you want to get called, “An Actor Prepares” by Constantin Stanislavski
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Transcriptionist notes:
More information on “An Actor Prepares” by Constantin Stanislavski, the great Russian acting teacher.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/An_Actor_Prepares
http://www.actorprepares.net/
http://www.gyford.com/phil/writing/2005/05/27/an_actor_prepare.php
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
He’s a very famous Russian acting teacher. I think he’s actually the father of “method acting.”
[41:01]
Ok? And one of the leading experts on lie detection and emotion is a guy by the name of Dr. Paul Ekman, and in his book, “Telling Lies” I think it is.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Transcriptionist notes:
Dr. Paul Ekman noted author and presenter on emotions and lie detection.
http://www.paulekman.com/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Ekman
http://www.paulekman.com/books/
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Yes here it is.
In the appendix of this book he actually goes through the categories of people who are very very very very difficult to tell if they are lieing.
And one of the first ones he mentions is “anybody who has studied “An Actor Prepares” by Constantin Stanislavski.”
[41:28]
OK? You’re going to find that catching people in a lie is always going to go all the way back to the amount of stress that you are imposing on them.
The longer that somebody has had to prepare, the less likely you are to catch them.
Unless you can jack up their emotions, where the stakes are really really high.
OK? And then there is another smaller category of human being that don’t process emotions the way rest of us does.
We call them psychopaths, sociopaths, and narcissist.
{laughter}
[42:00]
They process a little bit different. Narcissist tend to be a little bit more on the emotional side.
Psychopaths, sociopaths, they aren’t wired like we are, so we have to look a little bit differently.
So one of the books you may want to supplement that is a thing called the “psychopath test.”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Transcriptionist notes:
The Psychopath test by Jon Ronson
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Psychopath_Test
http://www.jonronson.com/psycho.html
http://www.thedivineconspiracy.org/Z5263S.pdf
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
{laughter}
I told you I was going to give you guys good shit.
There is also a book called, “The Sociopath Next Door.”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Transcriptionist notes:
“The Sociopath Next Door.” by Martha Stout
http://www.amazon.com/Sociopath-Next-Door-Martha-Stout/dp/0767915828
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/sociopath-next-door-martha-stout/1100024283?ean=9780767915823
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martha_Stout
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
And for those of you who want a little less ease sleeping at night, …
[42:31]
When the CDC (Center for Disease Control) says we have an epidemic, how many people does it take? What percentile do they go by to determine if we have an epidemic or not?
Student: CDC? Is what?
David: the CDC, the Center for Disease Control.
Student: 5 percent?
David: I think it’s a little less than that actually.
Student: 2%
David: 2%
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Transcriptionist note:
0.0015 % is considered epidemic for meningococcal infections.
That’s 15 cases out of 100,000 people.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epidemic
So a 2% rating would be a huge epidemic with 2000 cases out of 100,000 people.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
David; Current studies show us that the current percentage of people who are sociopathic people, … in our culture …. is right around 4%.
{that would be 4,000 out of a population of 100,000 people}
{now doesn’t that make you sleep better at night}
[43:01]
Students: {are surprised} Whoa. Wow. {whistles}
And those are just the people who went to the multiple choice test and took it and said “Yes, I’m a sociopath.”
{laughter}
I have no idea how they came to that figure. But it’s worth knowing.
OK. Not every sociopath is going to be a violent criminal. Although they could be. They could flip that switch easily.
OK?
Female Student: What’s a sociopath?
David: A sociopath is somebody who has no ethical or moral consideration and in many cases doesn’t have the organic circuitry for it.
[43:35]
Female student: Gee.
David: The have no… they mimic emotions but they don’t have them as we understand them. In fact they often look at us like we’re from another planet.
Because we see them as being somehow defective, and they look at us the same way. Because we are slaves to our emotions. And we are.
As much as we’d like to think that we are logical rational creatures. We aren’t.
[44:00]
We’re animals that learned to think. We make our decisions based on feelings and then justify those with the facts that fit through our perceptual filters.
Male Student: So then would Spock (from Star Trek) be considered a well adjusted person?
David: Well again, I just don’t know. I think (Gene) Roddenberry went to great lengths to demonstrate the deficits to being a purely logical creature.
Sociopaths aren’t logical either.
Student: Oh ok.
David: They are completely impulse driven.
Female student: They don’t consider the consequences of their actions.
David: They’re in the moment. They’ll tell one lie to get something and they’ll tell a bigger lie to get out of it.
OK?
So again the whole idea here is just watch out for these people. The only way to really prepare yourself is to know what the signs are.
[45:02]
Ignorance is NOT bliss in this case. There’s no need to go around being paranoid but you do need to go around being careful.
OK.
But if you meet people and you happen to find that they leave a bread trail of broken, twisted, people behind in their life,… that they had nothing to do with, … (avoid them)
What’s the common denominator in all of those people. (that person)
{Laughter}
Which is kind of interesting because as a hypnotist I get all kinds of people.
I don’t get sociopaths but as a hypnotist I get the litany of all the
Time.
[45:32]
People come in and they tell me twenty years of sob and woe and it’s the same pattern repeating over and over again.
“Well this person did this and that person did that to me and…”.
What’s the common denominator in all of this. You. Right?
Interestingly enough, and aside from this, and again I’m not condoning this or saying it’s cool but there is a percentage of …. every body here knows about crime statistics and the crime rate. You know how that works. Right?
One of the things that is interesting is that a certain percentage of women who are in fact raped, are raped more than once, by different people.
[46:05]
And the psychologists and the researchers have isolated, or they believe they have a theory that a certain behaviour that these women have in their unconscious template, … their imprint, … that signals to that other type of mindset , of a potential victim.
One of the things I tend to do with a my patients, a lot my clients.
[46:32]
Is we start going through and we start finding better sorting mechanisms.
Early warning systems so that they can systematically detect what used to be their type, in the past, and filter out, people or circumstances that could led to those kinds of things.
That’s just something we do in the clinic. But it is there. It is in the literature and it’s in the studies.
And again, so a lot of the things we pull into our lives, or don’t pull into our lives, were programmed into us, at a time in our lives, when we no critical factors.
[47:02]
We had no filters, what so ever. So a lot of our stress responses will mimic those of our parents. Believe it or not, because we identify with them at a very early age.
In fact pretty much from the ages of zero to five, there is no ‘me.’ We have no identity filter, until right around five-ish. Until then, mommy and daddy are us.
That’s where we started. And until we developed that sense of self. That’s how we developed in life.
[47:30]
And these can be changed. You’re not broken. You’ve just got some stuff on your harddrive that you need to defrag a little bit.
Alright! First thing.
BASELINE! {points to word on the whiteboard}
CLUSTERS! {points to word on the whiteboard}
White Board
======================================================
BASELINE
CLUSTERING
V - Pupils
A - Fast talking? Slow talking? How many Non-words? Change?
K - Body Language? Posture & Orientation? Body movements?
O
G
=======================================================
Where are some things that we can begin to look for?
Again. When we are going to interact with people, we’re going to look at Posture and Orientation. And I want to look at it as an interaction. All things being equal. As we move towards greater and greater intimacy and greater and greater trust.
We should start to see this subtle (shifting, turning towards one another and getting slowly, closer, physically), reorientation as people move towards intimacy and trust.
[48:05]
If at some point we ask a question or say something, and we see this, (the slight pull back or turn away, a slight distancing from where we were a moment ago.)
It doesn’t look like a big deal. And it isn’t. … YET.
Why? … Because it’s only one thing.
But let’s say I do something like this? (lean back, away, and cross the arms over the chest. A defensive posture, putting up a wall)
OK? Again this brings us to another reptilian response.
[48:32]
“What’s lizards got to do with this?” EVERYTHING!
{David erases the white board at this point}
OK. You’ve got three brains. You know this right?
This means yes. This means no. {laughter from students}
By the way, in the back of the room, is my lovely daughter, Tracie.
{applause for Tracie}
Yay Tracie.
She’s the one who harasses you all endlessly when you try to get your free consults, and stuff.
We have a ton of coffee and chocolate back there.
[49:00]
Please eat as much as humanly possible. I have split tested this so thoroughly so that I know exactly what kind of chocolate you’ll go for first, second, and third.
First you’ll eat all the dark chocolate.
Male student: There is none back there.
David: Exactly. (its gone already) {laughter from the class}
Then you’ll eat all the white chocolate.
Male student: It’s gone. {class laughs}
David: And save all the milk chocolate for me. (grumbles teasing) (laughs)
Female student: We still got lots of it.
David: what did you do, eat it up by rows? {laughter}
[49:31]
Female Student: Try getting all white and dark chocolate.
David: If I could I would actually but they don’t sell them that way. OK?
So, you have three brains. Lie detection is a stress response. It is actually measuring, and calibrating, response to stress.
Remember the lizard brain. (also known as the reptile brain, or old layer) Moves toward pleasure and away from pain.
[50:00]
Female student: and what is this?
David: The reptile brain. The paleocortex as the Russian sports psychologist like to refer to it.
OK? There is a small elite culture of lawyers, personal injury attorneys, who follow a persuasion system known as “reptile.”
It is all about how to structure and present to the reptile brain. And they are winning billions and billions of dollars worth of judgements, by presenting to the reptile brain. And it’s all based on this idea.
[50:30]
White board
======================================================
PALEOCORTEX PAIN
_________________________________
(P)| STRESS
|
|
|
spinal
column
=======================================================
[50:30]
The lizard runs towards pleasure and away from pain.
Stress, the kind we’re dealing with, is pain.
Can stress be pleasurable? Yes.
This will become a little bit more relevant when we start talking a little bit more about “duping delight.”
Which is … you’ll see it a lot of narcisistics, and you’ve see it in sociopaths but you’ll also see it in normal human beings.
Where people take great pleasure with getting away with something.
[51:00]
Right?
When the human organism experiences pain, whether real or imagined, it moves away. And it will do it physiologically first. (actually move away)
OK?
So if we’re exhibiting one level of comfort and all of a sudden, something gets uncomfortable. We’ll move away from it.
OK?
Wrapped around your paleocortex is what we call the limbic system. Or your emotional brain.
White board
======================================================
PALEOCORTEX PAIN
_________________________________
(P)| STRESS
|
Limbic System | Food
| Sex
Spinal Fight
Column Run away
I can’t draw a circle around the (P)| in this transcript. Sorry.
=======================================================
[51:31]
This is the part of you that deals in base feelings. Your reptile brain works in primal drives. (survival, food, reproduction, fight, run away, etc.)
Do I eat it?
Do I fornicate with it?
Do I fight it?
Or do I feed on it?
Right?
Primal drives are in fact feelings. But not all feelings are primal drives.
All emotions are feelings. But not all emotions are drives.
[52:01]
The way it works is your paleocortex has a drive, an urge, that it needs to satisfy.
The need for safety.
The need for … to move the genes forward.
The need to achieve status within the organization.
Then what it does is, it generates an emotion. It wraps an emotion around that drive.
It’s that emotion that begins to stimulate the next layer of your brain, known as you neocortex. The new layer. It literally means ‘the new layer.’
It is the rational, lieing brain. (and it is wrapped around the limbic system)
OK.
It’s job is to generate a reasonable story (a lie you can live with) to justify the behaviours you generate to justify your emotional and primal drives.
Both to yourself, and to society. Because at the reptilian level, social status equals survival.
[53:05]
White board
======================================================
NEOCORTEX
Sorry I couldn’t draw a circle around the limbic system either.
PALEOCORTEX PAIN
_________________________________
(P)| STRESS
|
Limbic System | Food
| Sex
spinal Fight
column Run away
At the reptilian level social status equals survival.
=======================================================
Female student; Could you repeat that.
David: At the reptilian level, social status equals survival
Oh yeah!
This is why we lie to be popular. OK?
Remember the reptile does NOT care about morality.
The reptile does NOT care about ethics.
The reptile does NOT care about the laws of society.
[53:31]
The reptile wants what the reptile wants.
The reptile wants to have its food, and it wants your food. And it has no problem taking your food.
All those social considerations and all those other things, they come later. (limbic system)
They come later in the process. OK? But on a more functional level, anytime we generate a rationale, we generate that rationale or that story, to justify our behaviours, for two reasons.
[54:03]
A) We have to be congruent to our sense of self. Our self image that we’ve created. OK. We identify with something it becomes just as much a part of us as an arm or a leg. So if we have a certain set of morals, or values. That we’ve identified with as being our self concepts. Who we are. We will fight just as hard to protect it and be true to those as we would protect our arm or our leg.
[54:32]
This is why in the field of persuasion and intimacy we talk about talking to a persons criterion values. And that people can not go against their criterion values without experiencing intense physical and emotional pain.
It is very very difficult.
So anytime that we have to protect ourselves or to gain something, we have to generate a strong enough emotion that either overrides our need to be congruent with that sense of what society has taught us.
[55:01]
OR… to justify it to ourselves. That it was ok to do that.
OK? Now where the system tends to break down when we start doing things that are way out of kilter.
We have to really really generate an emotion. But the more stress you have in the system, the faster the energy to process and make those critical logical decisions, goes away.
Your will power is a finite resource. OK? It’s based on two things. The amount of sleep that you’ve had. Which I’m operating on very little today.
{laughter}
I have a one year old that just discovered that it’s fun to get up four times a night and wander around the house. OK?
And the amount of blood sugar in your system. OK?
When we are fully rested and we have a full tank of blood sugar, we have for intents and purposes, a functioning human to drive our will power.
[55:59]
The faster we burn it up. Which we do everytime we exert our emotional will power, is burned up. Then we have to exert control over our emotions or drives.
Everytime we get an urge, or have a sudden emotional flare up, and we don’t want to explode all over the people around us, we call up our will power, and how much is in our tank to control it.
It is that battle between will power and drive that gives us “deception leakage.”
[56:32]
David: {sees a hand raised} Yes?
Student: So like when you’re under stress you (do something)
David: Yes, you see what happens is when the tank is empty, the body goes on auto pilot. You default to hedonistic, preprogrammed emotional responses.
That’s why you could be on day twenty seven of your diet and
you have a shit day at the office,
have a fight with your wife or your husband that morning,
got stuck in traffic on the way home.
You come home, go to use the restroom all upset because your husband left the seat up,
and the next thing you know, you’re down in the kitchen eating that left over pizza from three nights ago. And a half of a six pack. (of beer)
[57:14]
OK? Because when the stress level hits, and we don’t have enough reserve in the tank, the system goes on autopilot.
This is important. Because when somebody lies to you, they are going to experience stress. The question becomes, are you going to have the where with all to become aware of that red flag when they happen?
And do you have the intestinal fortitude (guts) to pursue it. Which brings us to the question of not can we detect lies? The question becomes one of whether we should?
Here’s the thing you need to understand about lieing.
Most people know when they are being lied to.
[58:00]
They just pretend they don’t know.
They want to believe the lie. Because the pain of knowing the truth is too much.
So if you’re going to start chasing down lies. How far are you willing to go?
You already know that. It’s easy to sit there and say, “Oh I’ll go all the way.”
I don’t think so. I don’t think so. OK?
You will lose friends. You will lose relationships. And it will NOT be pleasant.
[58:33]
Now I’m not saying “Don’t catch people lieing.” I’m saying, “Know how far you’re willing to take it. Know how much information that you need to acquire to before you’re ready to make a decision, one way or the other.
Because you will never know, short of catching somebody in the act, or video camera or something like that. You will never know 100% that they are lieing.
So you have to decide what’s the percentage that I’m willing to run with.
And am I OK with my decision?
[59:02]
Now in most courses on lie detection they wont cover that. Because most people who are teaching lie detection are cops. Yeah, they are a cop. And when you’re a cop it becomes very very simple. I’m going to do everything I can to make you confess. Within my rules.
OK?
See a cop, or an interrogator will do everything to befriend you and make you feel comfortable and make you feel like he’s on your side. Just so that you will say, “Yeah, I did it.” “He had it coming.”
[59:33]
Because at the end of the day, the cop doesn’t care why you did it. All he cares about is “is it black and white.” Did you do it, or didn’t you? Off to the pokey (jail prison) you go.
We don’t have that option. Things are not as cut and dry for us.
So as you begin to explore this idea of detecting falsehoods, we’re going to cover the red flags and I’ll take a few questions during the break or something like that.
[1:00:00]
Kind of determine the direction that you want to go. And again it can be everything from catching a cheating spouse, to finding someone who stole your earrings or something, you know.
Or interviewing a care giver. Talking to your kids about drugs. I mean there are all kinds of questioning protocols and there is interrogation protocols that you can use.
But at the end of the day what we’re looking for is a baseline. We’re looking for changes in that baseline of
Transcript
[0:00]
David: There are two sets of communications going on. At the most fundamental, … at the gross level.
You have two sets of communications that’s going on.
You have CONSCIOUS, and UNCONSCIOUS.
Or VERBAL, and NON-VERBAL.
The first principle to learn, and I’m just going to try to close this loop and get to the program thing in just a minute but just to get this out and get it closed.
Remember this at the end of the day,
“THE UNCONSCIOUS MIND ALWAYS ASWERS FIRST, ….. AND IT ALWAYS ANSWERS HONESTLY.”
[0:31]
OK? That is the bread and butter of everything you’re going to learn tonight… if you have any doubt about anything I teach tonight.
And what I’m going to do is I’m going to give you very very broad global strokes first .
Why?
Because if you can’t get those, you’re not going to get the subtleties.
By the time we hit “break time” … and the information is going to be dribbling out of your ears.
{joking}
And you may be bleeding from the eyes.
[1:00]
Alright? In the field of human communication, especially non-verbal communication.
Kinesics, as we call it.
===================================================
Transcriptionist note;
Kinesics, is the study of body movements, hand and body gestures, facial expressions, and body positions, etc., and interpreting them, as a means of communication.
Remember that many of these are based on the cultures location. What is true in one country is probably different in another country.
David of course is speaking primarily about American kinesics. Decide for yourself if these are correct for your location.
===================================================
Or as I was trained in “kinesic interview and interrogation.”
It is a vast vast field. And it doesn’t belong to just one domain.
Neuro linguistics has a stake in it.
Body language has a stake in it.
Cognitive therapy and behavioural therapy has a stake in it.
They all bring something to the table.
[1:30]
That helps us to understand what’s going on inside of us.
And what’s going on inside of us is a series of interlinking programs communicating or in some cases, not communicating.
So getting back to your question about worry, or anxiety. Everything, including sadness, worry, fear, rage, jealousy, … has a structure.
[2:00]
That structure is the equivalent to a computer code, or program.
Anytime you find somebody who’s anxious about something, the same commonalities tend to appear.
A.) The pictures are too big, they’re too close and they are right around here. (the upper chest, near the heart or core of the person.)
OK? So what we have now is a spatial representation. A dimensional representation. And a umm… what’s the word that I’m looking for?
[2:33]
It’s big and it’s in front of you and it’s too close.
And one of the things we need to understand in terms of anxiety, And actually anxiety and stress, to be more specific, does factor a lot into what we will be teaching tonight.
Because what we will be looking for are NOT cues that signal lieing.
Because there isn’t any.
There is no one, single, body language cue… unless you got somebody hooked up to an MRI. (Magnetic Resonance Imaging machine )
[3:02]
Or C.T. (Computer Aided Tomography, also called a CAT scan)
That tells you when somebody is lieing. The best that you can do is your best guess. Based on a certain set of protocols that you follow.
OK?
So the first thing I’m going to talk on, getting back to your question, …
The structure that the human nervous system runs on has basically five (5) categories of code.
Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, Olfactory, and Gustatory.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Writes on White Board
(Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, Olfactory, and Gustatory.)
V A K O G
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Every single thing that you experience is built from those fundamental categories of data. Or attributes.
Now we look at this as a linear sequence. Now this is just one way of describing this. You could just as easily go G A O K V
[4:00]
We tend to go with the big three first, right?
But some people actually have smell and taste as a dominant modality.
When we ask them how they do something, they actually reference the part of their brain that processes tastes.
And that’s exactly what I want you to understand when we look at VAKOG
Is that these are literally cortexes of the brain.
That are activating in the order and sequence that they are being activated.
Think of it as …. How many people here know what a spark plug is?
{even the women are giggling}
When all the cylinders in the car, … whether it is a two cylinder or a one cylinder, … well a one cylinder car is kind of redundant.
{laughter}
But a two cylinder, a four cylinder, a six cylinder, or a twelve cylinder, it makes no difference. When all the cylinders fire at the right time, everything runs smooth, right?
[5:00]
Well when these (the VAKOG) fire, …the sequence that these fire in, create behaviour. They create the things we actually do in terms of physical actions in the world.
They also govern the way we make decisions.
So when you think about VAKOG, the connection of these links, … let me use a different color for this.
(notice the connections between the letters linking the letters.)
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Writes on White Board
(Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, Olfactory, and Gustatory.)
(sight, sound, touch, smell, taste)
V ==> A ==> K ==> O ==> G
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Student: What is G again?
David: Sorry What?
Student: What is G again?
David: Gustatory (taste)
So think of it this way. Links in a chain.
Or if you were in my Conversational Hypnosis Class, right? We talked about X causes Y.
Where X is a cause, and Y is an effect.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Writes on White Board
X ==> Y X causes Y
Where X is a cause, and Y is an effect.
(Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, Olfactory, and Gustatory.)
(sight, sound, touch, smell, taste)
V ==> A ==> K ==> O ==> G
Strategies.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
[6:00]
Now then, there is a slight pattern connection here where
V leads to A leads to K leads to O leads to G.
That’s the sequence. If that were say, my ….
NLP likes to call these “strategies.” It’s a confusing word but basically it’s the recipe we use to do something.
What Richard Bandler and John Grinder discovered, many many moons ago.
[6:30]
Was that even though you and I might be “doing” the same thing as a task. We may have a very very different strategy … to do it.
Some strategies work better than others.
Right? Some people might, … and one of the ones that I use the most often, …. Well there’s two that I use most often.
One is called the “Convincer” strategy.
These are NOT going to factor in too much tonight.
[7:00]
But if you’re going to do alchemical work, which is where this lie detection we have started understanding alchemical work, making transformations and changes in us.
Convincer strategies and… what’s the other one? It will come to me in a minute.
Remind me that I didn’t close this loop.
Convincer strategy and something else. We’ll come back to that.
But think about it this way. It’s which parts of our brains we use and in what order.
[7:31]
OH, “Convincer Strategy” and “Decision Strategy.”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Writes on White Board
X ==> Y X causes Y
Where X is a cause, and Y is an effect.
(Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, Olfactory, and Gustatory.)
(sight, sound, touch, smell, taste)
V ==> A ==> K ==> O ==> G
Strategies.
Convincer
Decision
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
See, I knew it would come back to me.
Now these two tend to work, hand in glove.
A decision strategy may be just VAK. Now remember this is just an example and it may not apply to you, … and it might.
OK? Some people who want to come to the seminar. They may see themselves at the seminar, or maybe they read something about the seminar.
They may talk to themselves in a certain way.
[8:02]
Maybe some internal dialog. Or maybe they’ll talk to somebody else who has been to the seminar before, and then they’ll get a feeling about if it’s right for them or not. And then they’ll act on it.
So the words that I use.
“I saw something.”
“I read something.”
“I talked to somebody.”
Right?
“I got a feeling about whether it was right for me.”
“And then I DID something.”
OK? What you have there is actually two kinesthetics.
What you have there is an internal feeling, and an external kinesthetic, which is an action.
ALL decision strategies end in kinesthetics.
That is the one universal.
Nobody takes an action, until they felt something.
None of you are here because of a voice in your head.
None of you are here because of a picture that you can’t get rid or, or is bugging you.
[9:00]
Many times you are here because there is a feeling that’s bugging you, that either you want more of, or you want less of.
Would that be true or not true?
Right/ You’re here to learn about lie detection because somebody did something or said something, or told you something that made you feel, not good.
Would that be true? “Don’t lie to me dammit!”
{laughter}
Or you may be curious about how people actually work. And that’s kind of where my evolution started.
{show of hands}
How many people are here, that it is your first time dealing with the nightmare of me.
{some hands raised and some folks laugh}
OK. A couple of rules.
This means “yes.” {nods head up and down}
This means “no.” {shakes head back and forth}
There will be a test! Especially in this meetup.
This means “I know the answer.” {holds hand way up high}
This means “I don’t.” {holds hand down by his side.}
This means “Oh shit I hope it doesn’t ask me that.” {Holds hand down low.}
{chuckles}
[10:00]
I occasionally bring people up to do demonstrations, or healings or transformational work.
If I call you up. Or if you volunteer to come up, … it is assumed that you are giving me permission … to plaster your lovely face all over Youtube, … and inspire millions of other people all over the world, …. as they watch you change and transform.
That’s your payment for getting free change work.
{teasing the class and getting smiles and chuckles}
In this case I think you’re going to find, and again we want to have fun with this tonight.
Lie detection can get very heavy, very very quick.
Right? So we got to keep it light.
[10:31]
So stop taking yourself way so damn seriously. {Joking and not joking}
OK?
But there’s another aspect I want to cover real quick on this VAKOG.
Because it goes directly to your question about anxiety, or any other feelings in your body or experiences that just keep driving you nuts.
And that is what we call the “attribute level.”
Lets’ take Visual, as a good example.
[11:00]
Let me…. I’m in a colorful mood today. I don’t know why.
What are some attributes of something that is “visual.”
Student: Color.
David: Color. The opposite of color would be what?
Student: Neutral or
David: Black and white maybe.
[11:21]
Student: No color
David: No color, OK. How about motion? Is that one? Could something be moving?
[11:30]
Student: Shape
David: I’m sorry, what?
Student: Shapes.
David: Shapes yes very much.
Student: Intensity.
David: When you say intensity define that for me.
Student: the amount of signal that is coming through.
David: OK. So it could be very intense or it could be very faded. Almost like contrast maybe?
Student: Mass
David: Sorry what?
[12:00]
Student: Mass
David: Mass would be more weight. So that’s more kinesthetic.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Writes on White Board
X ==> Y X causes Y
Where X is a cause, and Y is an effect.
(Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, Olfactory, and Gustatory.)
(sight, sound, touch, smell, taste)
V ==> A ==> K ==> O ==> G
Color
Black and white
Motion (moving or still)
Size
Shape
Contrast (intensity)
Clear (or Fuzzy)
STRATEGIES.
Convincer
Decision
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
David: But we’re getting some idea right? Can we make some distinctions? Things like yes, no, right?
Could it be clear? Or fuzzy?
Moving or still?
Ok. So just for grins and giggles, think of something in your life that made you feel amazingly good.
Now here’s the secret to what I do.
If you can point to it… you can control it.
[12:31]
That’s the secret that all the “self help folks” know, and don’t want you to know.
If you can point to it, you can change it.
OK. So the first thing I want you to do is think about something that makes you feeling really good.
REALLY GOOD. Like REALLY GOOD.
You might have that 70s disco music going in the back ground going Bow whappa bow wow.
{giggles from class}
Don’t take yourself so friggin seriously, you never get out alive. But my point is…
[13:00]
I don’t need to know what it is. So make it as juicy as you want to make it. Because if you can’t feel good for no fricking reason, … boy we got a lot of work to do.
And most of us go through life being way too fricking serious, and taking life way too serious.
OK? Seriously, we got to stop.
{laughter}
So first thing is…. a couple more administrative things before I finish this exercise up.
If politically incorrect language,… colorful metaphors, …or swear words, … offend you, … Get the fuck out.
{chuckles}
[13:31]
OK? I’m a no BS kind of guy. This stuff … This is the world according to David.
If it works for you. If it jells for you. If it resonates with you, and you feel that it is something that you can use.
Yes! That’s my job. To give you something powerful. Something you can start using today.
If it doesn’t… chuck it. (throw it away) Alright?
Point to where you feel that good feeling.
Good. Close your eyes and look at it with your inner eyes.
I want you to notice that there is a color associated with that feeling.
What is the color/ First impressions.
You don’t have to tell me. Just know what it is.
[14:03]
Now imagine if you would that there is a picture floating in the space around you. .. That is connected with that feeling.
Take your other hand and reach out and touch it. Now take the other hand and trace the edges of it so you know exactly how big it is.
Now remember this is the part where you have to get the body involved. This is one of the hallmarks of our change work.
And all I want you to do now is grab the edges of it …. Make it bigger.
[14:30]
Notice what happens to the feeling? You all have your eyes closed, so nobody is going to see me as I point at you, so open them.
{laughter}
{points at a student}
What happened to the feeling?
Student: Well actually it got more stable.
David: It got more stable. Now here’s what I want you to do. Look at the picture.
Color or black and white?
Student: it became less enchanting.
David: less enchanting? That wasn’t my question. The question was… is it color or black and white?
Student: Well in color initially.
[15:00]
David: did it turn color when you did that?
Student: yeah
David: Don’t do that. That wasn’t what I asked. You have to pay attention. OK.
How many people here noticed that their good feelings are in color?
{show of hands}
If they’re not…. Make them in color.
Now I want you to notice, are the images fuzzy or distinct?
If they’re fuzzy, make them distinct. Notice what happens to the feelings.
Another quick question. Is the picture moving or is it still? If it is still, make it a movie. Notice what happens to the feelings.
[15:32]
Congratulations. You’ve just discovered the code that your nervous systems uses to define and replay your experiences.
It is not the words.
It is not the story, of what’s going on.
It is the structure. That is the code. That is the program that is running in your mind and in your nervous system.
Now, just for grins and giggles,
[16:00]
Make it as big as you can stand it….
Put it up over your head….
Pull it down around you like a big blanket …
Notice what happens to that feeling.
Wha whoooo … what happened?
I know what happened to you. You’re like {shaking all over}.
{to a different student} What happened sir?
Student: I felt it pressed in. It was like breathing. It was like moving into my body.
David: Perfect. Now unwrap it and lift it up again. Now just to vindicate this… You can have it back in just a minute. Now throw it all the way behind you, back over the horizon. Make sure none of it is touching your body. As far back as you can.
Ester, what happened to that feeling?
Student: It went away.
David: It went away?
{to a different student} What happened?
Student: It went away.
David: It just went away Right?
Reach up and bring it back ….
Make it as big as you can stand it ….
And put it where it will do the most good.
Congratulations. You just learned how to program your own computer.
{You just learned how to program you}
[17:01]
OK?
The interesting thing is NLP calls these “attributes” or “elements.”
{the parts of Visualization… Size, shape, color, etc. etc.}
And they call these “modalities.” {V.A.K.O.G.}
You have five “modalities.” They are the building blocks of thought.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Writes on White Board
X ==> Y X causes Y
Where X is a cause, and Y is an effect.
(Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, Olfactory, and Gustatory.)
(sight, sound, touch, smell, taste)
5 Modalities
V ==> A ==> K ==> O ==> G
(Attributes or Elements of Visual)
Color
Black and white
Motion (moving or still)
Size
Shape
Contrast (intensity)
Clear (or Fuzzy)
STRATEGIES.
Convincer
Decision
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
David: These “Attributes,” these “Elements,” that are within the category of each modality, or sub to the modality are obviously called, “sub modalities.”
[17:33]
Here is the irony of sub modalities. They dominate and control your experience.
So the order and sequence of the modalities generates the behaviours.
The proportions and combinations of the different elements,… of these sub modalities, …. as they interact with one another, … create your experience.
[18:00]
They are all elements, or an alphabet, to a code, that your nervous system utilizes. This is a fundamental building block.
But you have to understand something. This is where if you guys want to make things a little bit simpler while at the same time showing you guys how comprehensive this whole thing is.
This is a three dimensional model. It is holographic and fractal.
What does that mean?
When I asked you to point to where you felt it… Right?
I had you reach out and touch a picture. Were you reaching inside of your body?
Say No.
{chuckles}
[18:31]
Cause none of you were going…{searching your body for the picture}
“It’s not in there goddammit.”
You reached out here, didn’t you? {reached in front of them}
Your nervous system relates everything from the periphery to the core of your body.
So it has a spatial component. A “proprioceptive” component. We call it the grid.
OK? A three dimensional X Y Z grid. (as in geometry) That determines where in space, certain types of information are projected and is stored.
[19:00]
When people talk,… and this is where we get again into the lie detection …
When people talk,… how many people do this?
{keeps their hands down at their sides flat against their legs and no body language and speak in a monotone }
“Mary had a little lamb and its fleece was white as snow.”
You don’t do that unless you’re terrified. Right?
That’s your first clue. That’s actually your first body language signal.
The moment you see someone talking to you and all of a sudden their hands and everything stops.
That’s lie number one. It’s called “FREEZE.”
But on a communications level
[19:30]
As we talk, as we make emphasis, our hands go to certain spatial locations. We don’t think anything of it, consciously or unconsciously.
But what we’re literally doing is putting our hands in the spatial location that corresponds to the regions of our brain, where that information is stored.
And as we talk, and as we move our hands, we’re literally tracing the flow of thought and the program… the circuit (path) it takes … in our nervous system. All at the same time.
[20:00]
OK? Now when it comes to influencing people, matching and feeding back their very own gestures, is powerful, powerful, stuff.
OK, if you want to get deep instant rapport with people? When it is your turn to talk in any interaction, use their own gestures to emphasize what you’re saying.
It’ll feel weird because it is not yours.
You’ll think, “I’m still going to get caught.” You wont.
Because we’re just unconscious of it.
[20:30]
OK? So! There is a lot going on. At the end of the day, we have to be able to pay attention to things that most people just let slide. They have no idea that it is even relevant.
Especially when we’re going to talk about lie detection. OK?
For those of you who don’t know. I am in fact a certified trainer in Neurolinguistic Programming, under the founder Doctor Richard Bandler.
I am a certified hypnosis trainer, and hypnosis teacher.
[21:00]
I have a hypnotherapy practice as well and an NLP and energy healing practice in Solana Beach (California).
And what I do all day long … is I find people who are lieing to themselves, in some way, … and trying to bullshit themselves in to thinking otherwise.
OK? Nobody winds up in my chair because they are being completely honest with themselves.
OK? The field of “lie detection” is really the field of pattern recognition.
[21:30]
It’s the art of paying attention. OK? And that’s what you’re going to have to do.
We’re going to start with… it’s going to seem that at first that I’m not really teaching you a whole lot.
When in reality I’m teaching you the “get out of jail free” card. (from the American game of “Monopoly”)
When you don’t know… what something may or may not mean. If you fall back to the very first few principles that I’m going to be talking about.
You’ll be able to figure out what it most likely means.
OK?
[22:00]
The first thing I want to talk about again is we want to talk about baseline and paying attention.
REMEMBER … THE UNCONSCIOUS MIND ALWAYS ANSWERS FIRST … AND IT ALWAYS ANSWERS HONESTLY.
There is usually a half a second delay to sometimes a full one or two seconds between the non-verbal behaviour, the unconscious answer … and a verbal one.
One of the big things we want to begin to look for is discrepancies between the consistency of the verbal and non-verbal.
[22:32]
We’ll cover those more and more in concrete details. I’m going to give you about seven to ten (7 - 10) red flags, These are things that if you see them, … then start digging.
But there are other things that are even more subtle that we can begin to work. Depending on what direction you want to go. How deep down this rabbit hole you want to dig.
We can go there. I’ll take you as far as I can, in the time that I have … And I’ll show where you can go for more if you want that. OK?
Which will probably take the form of my monthly master mind mentoring program.
[23:02]
Because the two day body language training that I normally teach, we don’t it on the schedule for this year so you’re out of luck.
Tease tease. You’re like WHAT? WHAT? {chuckles}
{David erases the white board so that he can write more things on it.}
So… Remember one of the things I said at the beginning of todays workshop is that what we are really doing is not really about lie detection but about pattern recognition.
[23:30]
When we start talking about pattern recognition, which are all things and is the one of things that I do.
Acupuncture and Oriental medicine. Five thousand years of pattern recognition on steroids.
NLP. All about pattern recognition on steroids.
Lie detection and kinesthics. All about pattern recognition.
OK. When I was very young. I was one of those poor unfortunate souls who was born with an extremely sensitive nervous system, bad hygiene and poor social skills.
[24:00]
Therefore I was often many times, I was the brunt of very un-nice, unfavorable, bully style attention.
I got lied to because I was desperate to accepted and desperate to be liked, and I spent a lot time being other peoples scape goats.
So I became somewhat post-traumatic-ish. I developed what was a mild case of what we commonly call “hyper acuity syndrome.” Mostly as a way of protecting myself.
Little did I know that twenty, thirty years later that that traumatic childhood would actually bare tremendous fruit in my ability to spot very subtle body language cues.
[24:37]
I’m going to ask you to begin to look for the big stuff first and understand that sometimes …. this is going out to the people on Youtube who may be going through or have gone through similar things.
And I’ll go through similar things, but I have a student who is fifteen years old, in Finland and Norway, and stuff like that.
And one of the things that I really want to emphasize is that many of the times is that our more powerful, our most beautiful gifts came from a place where we thought we were just, cursed by god.
[25:06]
Ok. One of the reasons that I can stand up here in front of you is because of those childhood experiences.
OK? I had to do a lot of growth. I had to do a lot of soul searching, but the tools and the techniques and the tactics that came from that, I’m going to share with you tonight. Because you can start using these right away. Right away!
But you don’t have to come from a harsh background to benefit from them.
[25:31]
So the first thing we need to do is to pay attention.
{David writes this on the white board.
NLP would say, “Pay attention to what specifically?” Well that’s a good question.
The first thing we’re going to look at whenever we walk up to any human being is “Orientation” and “Posture.”
{What is written on the white board}
================================================
PAY ATTENTION
ORIENTATION
POSTURE
————-RAPPORT————————
| |
| |
—————————————————-
BASELINE READINGS
=================================================
OK? So let’s talk about this.
[26:00]
The entire spectrum or continuum of human rapport
The dictionary of it, the language of it, the way we calibrate it.
Get used to that word. Two things you’ve got to learn about.
You’ve got to pay attention. You’ve got sensory acuity. And you’ve got to calibrate. You’ve got to know what the stuff you’re seeing, hearing, or otherwise receiving, means.
To do that, you need to calibrate a baseline. We’ll come back to baseline in a minute.
[26:31]
Can I get an enthusiastic member of the audience to come up and share the lime light with me.
Come on up. Actually you both can come up because this is actually a male female thing.
Come on up… you. {pointing to a lady in the class} come on up.
You don’t want to?
{David doing Robert De Niro,} “Who me? You talkin to me? YO.”
{LAUGHTER}
OK. Come on up. Now here is how this works.
If I was teaching a dating workshop this is even more fun. You’d see this out in public.
Stand back to back please. Good.
[27:00]
Now here’s what I want you to understand.
{to her}
Come up here just a little bit. Perfect.
{to him}
Not you. {class laughter}
I know she’s magnetic.
Male student: You ruined my game.
David: Yeah I ruined your game. Rubbing butts on camera for Youtube is probably not the best way to go about getting her positive attention.
{everybody is laughing.}
But, here’s the thing. If I was teaching an attraction or flirting workshop, this would be very relevant as well.
In terms of lie detection, it’s going to be extremely relevant, but just for different reasons.
[27:30]
Even though it’s the same stuff.
The crux of human interaction, or going from stranger, to intimacy, starts with two things. Two primary elements.
PROXIMITY and ORIENTATION. (how close you are and what direction are you facing)
Now one of the things that we are going to kind of skip over in terms of ….. Proxemics, is the study actually.
Is social intimate… we’re going to skip those ideas, because they are going to change.
[28:00]
Depending on what culture you are in. But one thing is true among all humans.
Human beings start off with zero rapport. They are turned away from each other. They have no affinity for one another.
You got this?
Or in some cases when you have a negative affinity. In other words they have hostility or antipathy for one another. They are moving away from each other. Correct?
That’s going to be a very key factor as we get deeper into this. Because one of the good things that’s going to happen is you’re going to find out that people will unconsciously move away from stress.
[28:30]
And lieing is one of the most stressful activities we can have… short of marriage by the way.
{laughter}
I’m just teasing, Mom.
Ok so what is going to happen now is these people are going to move away from complete stranger or complete enemy, to friendship or at least a peace treaty.
This is going to happen. They are going to go neutral.
{he turns both people towards the class so they are now facing the same direction}
Right?
[29:00]
As these people develop more and more rapport, two things happen.
Orientation will subtlely shift. (towards each other)
Orientation will subtlely shift.
Proximity is still a little bit. And will begin to close.
Proximity will begin to shift.
Now they are already beginning to feel a little weird.
Female student: yes.
David: In Body language, what we call the mating dance, this is where we call it full synchronization. This is where many times their heart beats are literally beating at the same time.
[29:30]
This would be one plus one equals three.
Do the math. {giggles in the class}
Thank you. Back up just a little bit.
Now the most common scenario that you’ll see in a dating or the singles bars looks like this.
{her facing neutral and him facing her}
What can you tell from this position?
Students: he’s trying to sell her. (On him)
David: He’s trying to sell her?
Student: They have different levels of interest.
[30:01]
David: Ah. Very good. Different levels. Who’s more interested?
Students: He is. The guy. Always.
{chuckles}
David: Aaahhh. So then if we reverse the dynamic,
{she turned automatically to face him}
Look what happened to her?
This, by the way, happens a lot. One of the secrets to this body language stuff that I’m teaching you is it is a feedback loop.
If one person assumes and holds a specific physiology, …. Congruently the other person will start to take on the complimentary physiology.
[30:34]
Just like you saw. This is where we go beyond just take on beyond just understanding what a body language gesture means, but actually using it to influence them. That’s a different training. OK?
But you saw how she just naturally kind of fell into place. It felt right to do that.
Right?
This is what we want to start to pay attention to. How much are they … how synergistic …how congruent … how symmetrical are they?
[31:01]
When they align. Right? This is one of things we want to look at posture and look at orientation.
You want to divide the body now. Upper and lower. Now in this case they are all very very congruent. (the same) Right?
But let’s suppose she takes her foot, or both feet and points them this way. But she keeps her upper body this way.
What just happened?
{various students are making comments}
{the male demonstration student is point out that it’s different}
Male student in class says: That something tentative is implied.
David: She’s getting ready to do the sixty yard dash for the front door.
She’s ready to gnaw her arm off to get away. Right?
Male student: Exactly.
David: Here’s the secret to understanding this on a macro level.
This will happen every where…. In every culture … in every social interaction.
If someone does not want to be there. No matter whatever reason. Maybe she’s got to pick her kid up at the daycare. Maybe she’s got another hot date downtown.
[32:02]
Maybe her mom just called and her parakeet is having a existential crisis.
We don’t know. But for some reason she wants to beat feet literally, (run away fast) and her feet will show the way.
Your feet are the most honest body part you have. It’s the one we pay the least conscious attention to.
Does that make sense?
So, let’s say for instance, our two young, whatever you want to call them. … potential good friends.
Are having an argument. … are having a discussion.
And our charming persuasive, debonair young man says something that is a little abrasive, abrupt. And all of a sudden you see this.
{She pulls back a few inches.}
Just a little bit of a shift. What just happened? What just happened. She pulled back, right?
She won’t even know she did it.
[33:00]
Most of the time. She wont realize it. It’s a stress response. But to the person who knows how to pay attention. It just sent him a world of information.
“Slow down “Sea biscuit”… Backup, what did you just say?”
===================================================
Transcriptionist note:
“Sea biscuit” was a champion race horse
====================================================
Alright? And in a couple of seconds she’ll realize why she got upset about something.
Remember our conscious mind is always playing catchup with the rest of us.
[33:27]
So the first thing we want to look at whenever we are judging if people want to be there, do the NOT want to be there.
POSTURE and body ORIENTATION.
Starting from the feet. Right?
Cause I can sit there and hold your gaze and I’ve can practice that face. I’ve got lots of practice keeping a straight face… keeping eye contact … we have the most control over the face.
But the moment we get into a situation that starts to cause us stress.
{the slight backwards shift, we back away even just a little}
[34:00]
Red flag number one.
OK?
Now its just one cue. Which means absolutely nothing.
Which brings us to lie detection one-oh-one (101) the nuts and bolts, but this … I want you to understand this paradigm of symmetry versus asymmetry…. of proximity versus orientation ….because it will be everywhere.
And you can look at any two or more people interact and you can know who the rapport leader is, you can know who’s leading the dance. You can know who wants to get away.
[34:30]
Who’s really close.
People who are intimate don’t lead with their upper body. They lead with their lower bodies.
OK?
Don’t look at people who have…. How do friends hug?
{David demonstrates two different hugs. The second one gets laughs as it is silly}
Give these two a big round of applause.
[35:00]
OK? Just from posture and body orientation. Right?
If people have a very upright posture, they are taking up a lot of space. They’re probably NOT lieing.
Or at least they are a lot more relaxed when they lie. And that’s really what we’re talking about. We’re talking about stress.
{David erases the white board again}
Stress can be positive, or it can be negative. Whether we’re talking about attraction cues, which will be the inverse, in many cases…
[35:33]
Of lie detection.
Many times you will see very, very, similar body language cues and you have to pay attention to the context.
People who are feeling a lot of attraction. Who really want to impress somebody. Who feel they are being viewed, less than positively, … will start to exhibit similar stress responses.
So you have got to be sure of what you are looking at. OK?
[36:00]
So the first thing you have to understand is two principles.
One is called “baseline.”
The other is called “clustering.”
{David writes these on the white board}
======================================================
BASELINE
CLUSTERING
=======================================================
Baseline means …. Remember I said you need three things?
I said you need to “pay attention.”
You need “sensory acuity.”
And you need to “calibrate.” What does calibrate mean? You technical types.
Student: Relative strength
David: Relative strength. OK.
[36:30]
We’re measuring what? Change. Right?
So in order to measure change, we have to have something to measure against. Don’t we?
So anytime that you are going to begin the process of detecting, or checking to see if somebody could potentially be lieing, not telling the whole truth, and we’ll talk about the different classes of lies in just a minute.
But the first thing that you have to know is what is their baseline.
[37:00]
In terms of VAKOG. {writes this on the white board too}
{Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, Olfactory, Gustatory}
{sight, sound, touch, smell, taste }
White Board
======================================================
BASELINE
CLUSTERING
V - Pupils
A - Fast talking? Slow talking? How many Non-words? Change?
K - Body Language? Posture & Orientation? Body movements?
O
G
=======================================================
We’ll just leave this off for now. {speaking about O & G}
What does their pupils look like? Are they big or are they small? I call that the “pupil dance.”
OK? We’ll talk about pupils, a lot, later on.
Auditory. How fast are they talking? How slow are they talking? How many non-words are they using?
[37:30]
Fluency, non-fluency. Um’s … er’s,… ah’s,
How do they change?
Right?
What’s their body language? What’s their posture and orientation?
What kind of extraneous body movements? We’ll cover these. (later)
Are they exhibiting or not exhibiting now? That they weren’t a moment ago.
Right?
You’ve got to know this.
[38:00]
First, you’ve got to know what their normal mode of operating is, before you can begin to calculate deviancy, or change.
If you don’t, then you are just guessing.
{Student has hand raised} Yes?
Student: (asked a question but a jet was flying by and I couldn’t hear it)
David: first thing you want to do is get rapport. And if you know this person already, review their normal mannerisms and all behaviours.
And then use that to measure against,
[38:30]
as you begin to introduce more stress into the system.
Now many times, {big ship/boat horn} as they’re going through different types of lies, it will be around a specific topic.
OK? So what we want to do, what we want to know is … we want to do everything we can, first, to bring this person to a very comfortable state.
So we can get a clear baseline.
But if all you do is take their baseline from the moment you walk up and before you approach, that’s good enough.
[39:02]
Because if you’re doing the interview stuff that I’m going to be talking about, … or even worse, … the interrogation stuff, … the stress levels are just going to start bumping up the stress levels, and you’re going to get what we call “deception deviance.”
They’re going to start doing things differently, and most specifically around certain types of topics.
OK?
Remember, nothing that they are going to exhibit, by itself, indicates lieing.
[39:30]
It’s only when the behaviour repeats on a consistent basis, in that context, or a relevant context, that they start to become potentially relevant.
The next part we have to look for is this thing called “clustering.”
{draws a circle around the word on the white board}
CLUSTERING is any two or more behavioural cues that deviate from the baseline, within a certain time period. Usually from one to five seconds.
Either before or after you ask a question or they make a statement.
[40:01]
I’m going to make it really broad one and say five seconds when it’s probably closer to one to three seconds.
Alright? But this is just “the world according to David.”
These two, if you don’t have these, you got nothing.
{Baseline & Clustering}
You got guesswork.
OK? So already there is a lot of information to track. Isn’t there?
This is why the best trained lawyers in the world have about a 60% hit rate.
OK? Yeah.
Being a good liar does not make you good at catching lies either.
[40:32]
I actually have a little essay that I’m going to read to you about how to tell the perfect lie.
It’s a real groaner. {everybody laughs}
If you’re going to try an catch them, you might as well know how to tell them.
There’s a book you want to get called, “An Actor Prepares” by Constantin Stanislavski
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Transcriptionist notes:
More information on “An Actor Prepares” by Constantin Stanislavski, the great Russian acting teacher.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/An_Actor_Prepares
http://www.actorprepares.net/
http://www.gyford.com/phil/writing/2005/05/27/an_actor_prepare.php
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
He’s a very famous Russian acting teacher. I think he’s actually the father of “method acting.”
[41:01]
Ok? And one of the leading experts on lie detection and emotion is a guy by the name of Dr. Paul Ekman, and in his book, “Telling Lies” I think it is.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Transcriptionist notes:
Dr. Paul Ekman noted author and presenter on emotions and lie detection.
http://www.paulekman.com/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Ekman
http://www.paulekman.com/books/
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Yes here it is.
In the appendix of this book he actually goes through the categories of people who are very very very very difficult to tell if they are lieing.
And one of the first ones he mentions is “anybody who has studied “An Actor Prepares” by Constantin Stanislavski.”
[41:28]
OK? You’re going to find that catching people in a lie is always going to go all the way back to the amount of stress that you are imposing on them.
The longer that somebody has had to prepare, the less likely you are to catch them.
Unless you can jack up their emotions, where the stakes are really really high.
OK? And then there is another smaller category of human being that don’t process emotions the way rest of us does.
We call them psychopaths, sociopaths, and narcissist.
{laughter}
[42:00]
They process a little bit different. Narcissist tend to be a little bit more on the emotional side.
Psychopaths, sociopaths, they aren’t wired like we are, so we have to look a little bit differently.
So one of the books you may want to supplement that is a thing called the “psychopath test.”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Transcriptionist notes:
The Psychopath test by Jon Ronson
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Psychopath_Test
http://www.jonronson.com/psycho.html
http://www.thedivineconspiracy.org/Z5263S.pdf
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
{laughter}
I told you I was going to give you guys good shit.
There is also a book called, “The Sociopath Next Door.”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Transcriptionist notes:
“The Sociopath Next Door.” by Martha Stout
http://www.amazon.com/Sociopath-Next-Door-Martha-Stout/dp/0767915828
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/sociopath-next-door-martha-stout/1100024283?ean=9780767915823
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martha_Stout
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
And for those of you who want a little less ease sleeping at night, …
[42:31]
When the CDC (Center for Disease Control) says we have an epidemic, how many people does it take? What percentile do they go by to determine if we have an epidemic or not?
Student: CDC? Is what?
David: the CDC, the Center for Disease Control.
Student: 5 percent?
David: I think it’s a little less than that actually.
Student: 2%
David: 2%
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Transcriptionist note:
0.0015 % is considered epidemic for meningococcal infections.
That’s 15 cases out of 100,000 people.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epidemic
So a 2% rating would be a huge epidemic with 2000 cases out of 100,000 people.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
David; Current studies show us that the current percentage of people who are sociopathic people, … in our culture …. is right around 4%.
{that would be 4,000 out of a population of 100,000 people}
{now doesn’t that make you sleep better at night}
[43:01]
Students: {are surprised} Whoa. Wow. {whistles}
And those are just the people who went to the multiple choice test and took it and said “Yes, I’m a sociopath.”
{laughter}
I have no idea how they came to that figure. But it’s worth knowing.
OK. Not every sociopath is going to be a violent criminal. Although they could be. They could flip that switch easily.
OK?
Female Student: What’s a sociopath?
David: A sociopath is somebody who has no ethical or moral consideration and in many cases doesn’t have the organic circuitry for it.
[43:35]
Female student: Gee.
David: The have no… they mimic emotions but they don’t have them as we understand them. In fact they often look at us like we’re from another planet.
Because we see them as being somehow defective, and they look at us the same way. Because we are slaves to our emotions. And we are.
As much as we’d like to think that we are logical rational creatures. We aren’t.
[44:00]
We’re animals that learned to think. We make our decisions based on feelings and then justify those with the facts that fit through our perceptual filters.
Male Student: So then would Spock (from Star Trek) be considered a well adjusted person?
David: Well again, I just don’t know. I think (Gene) Roddenberry went to great lengths to demonstrate the deficits to being a purely logical creature.
Sociopaths aren’t logical either.
Student: Oh ok.
David: They are completely impulse driven.
Female student: They don’t consider the consequences of their actions.
David: They’re in the moment. They’ll tell one lie to get something and they’ll tell a bigger lie to get out of it.
OK?
So again the whole idea here is just watch out for these people. The only way to really prepare yourself is to know what the signs are.
[45:02]
Ignorance is NOT bliss in this case. There’s no need to go around being paranoid but you do need to go around being careful.
OK.
But if you meet people and you happen to find that they leave a bread trail of broken, twisted, people behind in their life,… that they had nothing to do with, … (avoid them)
What’s the common denominator in all of those people. (that person)
{Laughter}
Which is kind of interesting because as a hypnotist I get all kinds of people.
I don’t get sociopaths but as a hypnotist I get the litany of all the
Time.
[45:32]
People come in and they tell me twenty years of sob and woe and it’s the same pattern repeating over and over again.
“Well this person did this and that person did that to me and…”.
What’s the common denominator in all of this. You. Right?
Interestingly enough, and aside from this, and again I’m not condoning this or saying it’s cool but there is a percentage of …. every body here knows about crime statistics and the crime rate. You know how that works. Right?
One of the things that is interesting is that a certain percentage of women who are in fact raped, are raped more than once, by different people.
[46:05]
And the psychologists and the researchers have isolated, or they believe they have a theory that a certain behaviour that these women have in their unconscious template, … their imprint, … that signals to that other type of mindset , of a potential victim.
One of the things I tend to do with a my patients, a lot my clients.
[46:32]
Is we start going through and we start finding better sorting mechanisms.
Early warning systems so that they can systematically detect what used to be their type, in the past, and filter out, people or circumstances that could led to those kinds of things.
That’s just something we do in the clinic. But it is there. It is in the literature and it’s in the studies.
And again, so a lot of the things we pull into our lives, or don’t pull into our lives, were programmed into us, at a time in our lives, when we no critical factors.
[47:02]
We had no filters, what so ever. So a lot of our stress responses will mimic those of our parents. Believe it or not, because we identify with them at a very early age.
In fact pretty much from the ages of zero to five, there is no ‘me.’ We have no identity filter, until right around five-ish. Until then, mommy and daddy are us.
That’s where we started. And until we developed that sense of self. That’s how we developed in life.
[47:30]
And these can be changed. You’re not broken. You’ve just got some stuff on your harddrive that you need to defrag a little bit.
Alright! First thing.
BASELINE! {points to word on the whiteboard}
CLUSTERS! {points to word on the whiteboard}
White Board
======================================================
BASELINE
CLUSTERING
V - Pupils
A - Fast talking? Slow talking? How many Non-words? Change?
K - Body Language? Posture & Orientation? Body movements?
O
G
=======================================================
Where are some things that we can begin to look for?
Again. When we are going to interact with people, we’re going to look at Posture and Orientation. And I want to look at it as an interaction. All things being equal. As we move towards greater and greater intimacy and greater and greater trust.
We should start to see this subtle (shifting, turning towards one another and getting slowly, closer, physically), reorientation as people move towards intimacy and trust.
[48:05]
If at some point we ask a question or say something, and we see this, (the slight pull back or turn away, a slight distancing from where we were a moment ago.)
It doesn’t look like a big deal. And it isn’t. … YET.
Why? … Because it’s only one thing.
But let’s say I do something like this? (lean back, away, and cross the arms over the chest. A defensive posture, putting up a wall)
OK? Again this brings us to another reptilian response.
[48:32]
“What’s lizards got to do with this?” EVERYTHING!
{David erases the white board at this point}
OK. You’ve got three brains. You know this right?
This means yes. This means no. {laughter from students}
By the way, in the back of the room, is my lovely daughter, Tracie.
{applause for Tracie}
Yay Tracie.
She’s the one who harasses you all endlessly when you try to get your free consults, and stuff.
We have a ton of coffee and chocolate back there.
[49:00]
Please eat as much as humanly possible. I have split tested this so thoroughly so that I know exactly what kind of chocolate you’ll go for first, second, and third.
First you’ll eat all the dark chocolate.
Male student: There is none back there.
David: Exactly. (its gone already) {laughter from the class}
Then you’ll eat all the white chocolate.
Male student: It’s gone. {class laughs}
David: And save all the milk chocolate for me. (grumbles teasing) (laughs)
Female student: We still got lots of it.
David: what did you do, eat it up by rows? {laughter}
[49:31]
Female Student: Try getting all white and dark chocolate.
David: If I could I would actually but they don’t sell them that way. OK?
So, you have three brains. Lie detection is a stress response. It is actually measuring, and calibrating, response to stress.
Remember the lizard brain. (also known as the reptile brain, or old layer) Moves toward pleasure and away from pain.
[50:00]
Female student: and what is this?
David: The reptile brain. The paleocortex as the Russian sports psychologist like to refer to it.
OK? There is a small elite culture of lawyers, personal injury attorneys, who follow a persuasion system known as “reptile.”
It is all about how to structure and present to the reptile brain. And they are winning billions and billions of dollars worth of judgements, by presenting to the reptile brain. And it’s all based on this idea.
[50:30]
White board
======================================================
PALEOCORTEX PAIN
_________________________________
(P)| STRESS
|
|
|
spinal
column
=======================================================
[50:30]
The lizard runs towards pleasure and away from pain.
Stress, the kind we’re dealing with, is pain.
Can stress be pleasurable? Yes.
This will become a little bit more relevant when we start talking a little bit more about “duping delight.”
Which is … you’ll see it a lot of narcisistics, and you’ve see it in sociopaths but you’ll also see it in normal human beings.
Where people take great pleasure with getting away with something.
[51:00]
Right?
When the human organism experiences pain, whether real or imagined, it moves away. And it will do it physiologically first. (actually move away)
OK?
So if we’re exhibiting one level of comfort and all of a sudden, something gets uncomfortable. We’ll move away from it.
OK?
Wrapped around your paleocortex is what we call the limbic system. Or your emotional brain.
White board
======================================================
PALEOCORTEX PAIN
_________________________________
(P)| STRESS
|
Limbic System | Food
| Sex
Spinal Fight
Column Run away
I can’t draw a circle around the (P)| in this transcript. Sorry.
=======================================================
[51:31]
This is the part of you that deals in base feelings. Your reptile brain works in primal drives. (survival, food, reproduction, fight, run away, etc.)
Do I eat it?
Do I fornicate with it?
Do I fight it?
Or do I feed on it?
Right?
Primal drives are in fact feelings. But not all feelings are primal drives.
All emotions are feelings. But not all emotions are drives.
[52:01]
The way it works is your paleocortex has a drive, an urge, that it needs to satisfy.
The need for safety.
The need for … to move the genes forward.
The need to achieve status within the organization.
Then what it does is, it generates an emotion. It wraps an emotion around that drive.
It’s that emotion that begins to stimulate the next layer of your brain, known as you neocortex. The new layer. It literally means ‘the new layer.’
It is the rational, lieing brain. (and it is wrapped around the limbic system)
OK.
It’s job is to generate a reasonable story (a lie you can live with) to justify the behaviours you generate to justify your emotional and primal drives.
Both to yourself, and to society. Because at the reptilian level, social status equals survival.
[53:05]
White board
======================================================
NEOCORTEX
Sorry I couldn’t draw a circle around the limbic system either.
PALEOCORTEX PAIN
_________________________________
(P)| STRESS
|
Limbic System | Food
| Sex
spinal Fight
column Run away
At the reptilian level social status equals survival.
=======================================================
Female student; Could you repeat that.
David: At the reptilian level, social status equals survival
Oh yeah!
This is why we lie to be popular. OK?
Remember the reptile does NOT care about morality.
The reptile does NOT care about ethics.
The reptile does NOT care about the laws of society.
[53:31]
The reptile wants what the reptile wants.
The reptile wants to have its food, and it wants your food. And it has no problem taking your food.
All those social considerations and all those other things, they come later. (limbic system)
They come later in the process. OK? But on a more functional level, anytime we generate a rationale, we generate that rationale or that story, to justify our behaviours, for two reasons.
[54:03]
A) We have to be congruent to our sense of self. Our self image that we’ve created. OK. We identify with something it becomes just as much a part of us as an arm or a leg. So if we have a certain set of morals, or values. That we’ve identified with as being our self concepts. Who we are. We will fight just as hard to protect it and be true to those as we would protect our arm or our leg.
[54:32]
This is why in the field of persuasion and intimacy we talk about talking to a persons criterion values. And that people can not go against their criterion values without experiencing intense physical and emotional pain.
It is very very difficult.
So anytime that we have to protect ourselves or to gain something, we have to generate a strong enough emotion that either overrides our need to be congruent with that sense of what society has taught us.
[55:01]
OR… to justify it to ourselves. That it was ok to do that.
OK? Now where the system tends to break down when we start doing things that are way out of kilter.
We have to really really generate an emotion. But the more stress you have in the system, the faster the energy to process and make those critical logical decisions, goes away.
Your will power is a finite resource. OK? It’s based on two things. The amount of sleep that you’ve had. Which I’m operating on very little today.
{laughter}
I have a one year old that just discovered that it’s fun to get up four times a night and wander around the house. OK?
And the amount of blood sugar in your system. OK?
When we are fully rested and we have a full tank of blood sugar, we have for intents and purposes, a functioning human to drive our will power.
[55:59]
The faster we burn it up. Which we do everytime we exert our emotional will power, is burned up. Then we have to exert control over our emotions or drives.
Everytime we get an urge, or have a sudden emotional flare up, and we don’t want to explode all over the people around us, we call up our will power, and how much is in our tank to control it.
It is that battle between will power and drive that gives us “deception leakage.”
[56:32]
David: {sees a hand raised} Yes?
Student: So like when you’re under stress you (do something)
David: Yes, you see what happens is when the tank is empty, the body goes on auto pilot. You default to hedonistic, preprogrammed emotional responses.
That’s why you could be on day twenty seven of your diet and
you have a shit day at the office,
have a fight with your wife or your husband that morning,
got stuck in traffic on the way home.
You come home, go to use the restroom all upset because your husband left the seat up,
and the next thing you know, you’re down in the kitchen eating that left over pizza from three nights ago. And a half of a six pack. (of beer)
[57:14]
OK? Because when the stress level hits, and we don’t have enough reserve in the tank, the system goes on autopilot.
This is important. Because when somebody lies to you, they are going to experience stress. The question becomes, are you going to have the where with all to become aware of that red flag when they happen?
And do you have the intestinal fortitude (guts) to pursue it. Which brings us to the question of not can we detect lies? The question becomes one of whether we should?
Here’s the thing you need to understand about lieing.
Most people know when they are being lied to.
[58:00]
They just pretend they don’t know.
They want to believe the lie. Because the pain of knowing the truth is too much.
So if you’re going to start chasing down lies. How far are you willing to go?
You already know that. It’s easy to sit there and say, “Oh I’ll go all the way.”
I don’t think so. I don’t think so. OK?
You will lose friends. You will lose relationships. And it will NOT be pleasant.
[58:33]
Now I’m not saying “Don’t catch people lieing.” I’m saying, “Know how far you’re willing to take it. Know how much information that you need to acquire to before you’re ready to make a decision, one way or the other.
Because you will never know, short of catching somebody in the act, or video camera or something like that. You will never know 100% that they are lieing.
So you have to decide what’s the percentage that I’m willing to run with.
And am I OK with my decision?
[59:02]
Now in most courses on lie detection they wont cover that. Because most people who are teaching lie detection are cops. Yeah, they are a cop. And when you’re a cop it becomes very very simple. I’m going to do everything I can to make you confess. Within my rules.
OK?
See a cop, or an interrogator will do everything to befriend you and make you feel comfortable and make you feel like he’s on your side. Just so that you will say, “Yeah, I did it.” “He had it coming.”
[59:33]
Because at the end of the day, the cop doesn’t care why you did it. All he cares about is “is it black and white.” Did you do it, or didn’t you? Off to the pokey (jail prison) you go.
We don’t have that option. Things are not as cut and dry for us.
So as you begin to explore this idea of detecting falsehoods, we’re going to cover the red flags and I’ll take a few questions during the break or something like that.
[1:00:00]
Kind of determine the direction that you want to go. And again it can be everything from catching a cheating spouse, to finding someone who stole your earrings or something, you know.
Or interviewing a care giver. Talking to your kids about drugs. I mean there are all kinds of questioning protocols and there is interrogation protocols that you can use.
But at the end of the day what we’re looking for is a baseline. We’re looking for changes in that baseline of
Transcript continued.
But at the end of the day what we’re looking for is a baseline. We’re looking for changes in that baseline of two or more characteristics.
[1:00:29]
I’m going to give you a bunch of them. There are thousands of them. None of them by themselves means anything.
OK?
If I have time we’ll play with high acting functioning which has nothing to do with lie detection.
But they are cool to work with and a good way to introduce you to…. Yes {points to a raised hand}
Student: Can you also cover this communication over the phone detecting you lied…
David: Yes. When you start communications over the phone now you’re going to go back to the AUDITORY component I outlined right here. {referring to some of the notes from the whiteboard from earlier in the class}
How fast does their speech go.
[1:01:00]
How does it change when you bring up the topic in question.
Do the amount of non-words or non- fluencies change?
Do they start with “ugh, oh, umm,” Do they stutter. Do they choke. Do they clear their throats. These are all deviations from how they normally speak.
Student: So when they change the subject all the time that’s a pretty good indication …
David: yeah. Many times when people are changing the subject all the time, they have no attention span, like me. {laughs}
OR they are deflecting.
And again we will cover that. We have different layers of behaviour.
[1:01:28]
And then you’ll get to the point where you have people who know they are there and they’re not award defining, you’re either going to believe them or not and they’ll go through the basic Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. (the five stages of death)
These are all very very traditional ways of either admitting things without admitting things. Or try to lessen the sentence because they know they are going to be nailed eventually.
And again, how far down that rabbit hole do you want to go.
What’s our time Tracy?
Tracy: eight o’clock.
David; eight o’clock. Here’s what we’re going to do.
[1:02:00]
Since we’ve been going about an hour now and the spotlights are on me and I’m slowly dehydrating and melting into a puddle of goo.
{laughter}
So is Eddie back here? Why don’t you go grab Eddie while I introduce him.
We have been very fortunate for the past three or four years to have been having our meetups and our trainings here.
And the person who runs it is named Eddie Lane. And he’s just in the back there. Lets give him a big round of applause for providing an amazing facility. {applause}
[1:02:30]
Just as a quick aside. How many people here really like going to cool places and do cool stuff. Raise your hand.
OK.
How many people like to travel to cool places and do cool stuff.
How many people would like to travel to cool places and do cool stuff for cheap! ?
A couple of weeks back… or a month or so back, Eddie came up to me and he said, “David, I got an idea. That might be cool. A couple of them actually.”
“First of all, how would you like to take your show on the road?”
[1:03:01]
I was like, “What?”
“Well you know I run this travel club. Right? And I go to all these places for really cheap. How would you like to teach NLP in Cancun? Or Greece? Or Australia? All over the world. ”
And I’m like, “Do I have to pay?”
And he’s like, “No.” {while shaking his head yes} {the class laughs}
I got kind of excited about it.
[1:03:29]
I’m a little skeptical about anything that smacks of MLM. (multi level marketing, direct sales)
But that aside Eddie came to me and said, “Hey look. You’re doing some good work here and you’re helping a lot of people, we’d like to sponsor your meetups. We would like to help you out. And kind of support you.”
So Eddie has been kind enough to be one of our sponsors for NLP Power, through the travel club, through the ???? and I just wanted to recognize him have you give him a big round of applause and say thank you to him.
{applause applause}
With that being said, I’d like to introduce one of our sponsors for tonight.
[1:04:00]
The Master of Bucket List Travel, don’t let the size of his hair fool you. He’s really a good guy. And before you go rushing back to sign up with Eddie and do whatever you’re going to do, make sure it’s something that’s a fit for you and it fits into your schedule.
But for all intents and purposes, as we break, and you go back to eat all the chocolate and drink all the coffee, and barrage you with questions, use the restroom, which by the way if you need to use the ladies restroom, for some reason this one has suffered a fatality. {laughter}
And so there is a code right here (to open the door) If you go out and around the building, on the right hand side you’ll see the women’s room.
You’ll need to enter that code. Now what Eddie does is he is memory impaired, but he takes a picture of it on his iPhone. Explain that one to the wife.
{laughter}
But anyway. If you need to use the restroom go there. The men’s room is still working but there is also a men’s room out there. There’s a line for that as well.
So without further ado I’d like to introduce you to Eddie Lane.
{applause}
Master of Bucket List Travel. And now sponsor for NLP Power.
[1:05:00]
{Eddie puts a Hawaiian lei on David}
Eddie: I know all know long you’ve wanted to get laid.
{laughter}
David: I have a meetup for that. {more laughter}
Do you want this? (the microphone)
Eddie: Naw, you guys can hear me. Can’t you?
David: Alright. {David walks away}
Eddie: make sure you turn it off before you go to the toilet.
David: yeah, I’ve done that before.
{laughter}
(Eddies Sales pitch. I am partially deaf and I couldn’t make it out. David still has the microphone. (and it’s turned on))
[1:07:53]
David: Yeah Eddie used to send me all these weird photographs from all over the world.
It weirded me out when he sent me the one from Transylvania, dressed as Dracula. It was kind of a bizarre thing.
{laughter}
[1:08:00]
The one thing I want to cover before I give you guys your break and I neglected to mention this in my zeal to let Eddie have the stage. Because I just wanted to get away. No (just kidding)
Everybody who came out tonight and sat through my spiel and Eddie’s. I have a free gift for everyone.
Normally, to walk into my doors, is one hundred and seventy five dollars an hour. OK.
Now the work that I do in Solana Beach (California) in my clinic. I deal with OCD’s (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) to Post traumatic stress to acute chronic illness.
[1:08:33]
I treat tumors, Multiple Sclerosis to Parkinson’s Disease. I’m expecting another Parkinson person to come in during the week.
Everybody who came out tonight and sat through the long drawn out slug fest that is a NLP Power seminar, I would like to give you all a free gift.
I would like to invite each and everyone of you to come visit me for a free thirty minute consultation.
Where we can actually see if what I do is a fit for the things you want in life.
[1:09:00]
What we do is not a fit for everybody. But if all you want to do is come out and ask me questions, just for thirty minutes. You can do that. OK.
All you need to do, because I’m starting the training, next week, a five day training seminar, … here.
We don’t have a lot of time slots available right away. So see Tracy if you want to do it. There’s no cost. There’s no obligation
And if I can help you, I’ll tell you.
And if I can’t….. I’ll tell you where to go. {pauses… then the laughter hits}
[1:09:30]
NO. What I mean is … What I meant by that is… IF I can help you, I’ll tell you.
And if what you know or what you need is not a fit for what I do, I will do everything in my power to find a resource for you. Even if it’s just a book that will help you move forward.
OK. But I wanted to be able to offer that gift aw well as encourage you to eat whatever chocolate is back there on the table. Please!
{laughter}
Please eat it all… because I also do weight loss. {more laughter}
Take a fifteen minute break. We’ll come back and get into some hard core body language stuff.
{applause}
[1:10:07]
End of part 1 video.